As you know by now, actor/religious nut/Saddam Hussein lookalike Mel Gibson was not only arrested for driving under the influence over the weekend, but he also managed to hurl out several anti-Semetic remarks in the process. The arresting officer supposedly has tape of the arrest, where Gibson yells “F**king Jews” on more than one occasion and states that “The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.” Wow.
While many are shocked, this behavior isn’t the least bit unusual for Mr. Gibson. In fact, he’s been blaming the Jews for a variety of things over the years. Specifically, his terrible movies. As it turns out the Jews aren’t just responsible for “all the wars”, they’re also responsible for all his flops. Seriously. Just take a look.
Lethal Weapon 4
Jew: Richard Donner
Mel was able to tolerate Richard Donald Schwartzberg (his real name) for three Lethal Weapon movies; one great, two pretty damn good. But Donner pushed his luck with the debacle that was Lethal Weapon 4. Donner’s decision to bring back the annoying Joe Pesci character almost made me anti-Semetic.
Tagline: The Gang’s All Here
Mel’s Suggested Tagline: The Gang’s All Here… And Christian!
Jew: Donner (again)
In 1997 there was one thing you could bank on: putting Mel Gibson and Julia Roberts in a movie together would guarantee success. There’s no way it would bomb. That is… unless somebody wanted it to bomb. Get what I’m saying? Catch my drift? Are you picking up what I’m putting down?
Tagline: What You Know Could Kill You
Mel’s Suggested Tagline: Conspiracy Theory? Exactly. Exactly.
What Women Want
Jew: Helen Hunt (halfie)
This movie was actually a huge hit, but have you ever thought about how much bigger it would’ve been with a nice, Christian star like Meg Ryan. No? You haven’t? Well Mel Gibson has.
Tagline: Finally, a man is listening.
Mel’s Suggested Tagline: …And while he’s listening, make sure he knows that The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world. Seriously. Tell him that.
Jews: Donner, William Goldman
Going into Maverick, screenwriter Goldman’s resume featured classic films like Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, Misery, The Princess Bride and Marathon Man. But when it came time for a Gibson flick, Goldman dropped the ball like an awkward Jewish kid in gym class.
Tagline: The greatest gambler in the West has finally met his match
Mel’s Suggested Tagline: Gambling is dangerous… especially when you’re gambling on a you-know-what Screenwriter.
Jew: Robert Downey Jr. (halfie)
I’m sure Mel blames Downey Jr. for the weak Air America box office, but there’s still potential the two will reunite someday. In prison. Not for a sequel.
Tagline: The Few. The Proud. The Totally Insane.
Mel’s Suggested Tagline: The Few. The Proud. The Totally Insane. Though he was going to use it as the slogan for his new church.
Jews: J. J. Abrams, Jamie Lee Curtis
Sure Abrams is the man behind smash hits like Lost and Alias, but he’s also responsible for Armageddon, Felicity, Taking Care of Business and this mess of a movie. It sounds like this Jewish writer/producer enjoys hurting people as much as he enjoys helping them. And Curtis… wasn’t she born with a penis or something?
Tagline: Time waits for no man but true love waits forever
Mel’s Suggested Tagline: Blah blah blah, I’m not kissing her. And not because of the penis thing.
Jews: Michael Showalter
Okay, so there wasn’t a Jew directing this one or in any of the starring roles, but do you remember that one scene with the guy in (I think) the sherriff’s office or something? The guy from Wet Hot American Summer? His name was Lionel in the movie? Yeah, it was his fault the movie sucked.
Tagline: It’s Not Like They Didn’t Warn Us.
Mel’s Suggested Tagline: If Only Other Creatures Besides Aliens Died When You Splashed Water On Them. I’m Just Sayin’.