• STIGMATA: The Pringles Man appears in the form of a saddlebag sweatstache on some guy’s pants. Millions of overweight sports-fanatics flock to the man’s ass to cry, pray. (Cityrag)
  • OVERHEATING STARLET: Jennifer Garner is rushed to the hospital while filming The Kingdom in Arizona, after a bout of overheating. Lindsay Lohan immediately Blackberrys her, asking for tips on how to make her next incident “more authentic.” (E! Online)
  • SIDE-BOOB: Speaking of LiLo, the girl exposes yet more of her noteworthy side-boob, this time while wearing a burlap sack with armholes made for a condor. Her breasts don’t even look human anymore, rather like those dolls made of pantyhose and cotton balls. We’re thinking googly-eyed nips. (Hollywood Gossip Whores)
  • FAKE RESCUE: A couple who got into a car accident got some celebritay-tay-assistance when Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes stopped to help them out, while Suri Cruise remained clamped into the backseat, baby-Hannibal-Lecter mask in place, plotting. She’s always plotting, Clarice. (Defamer)
  • GOLDEN GIRL LIVES!: Betty White is Alive!!! And she hasn’t aged!! At all!… Seriously she looks the same. Maybe she’s been laughogenically frozen. (Perez Hilton)
  • HEADLINE: “How the Nazis Gave Us Disco.” We may have just given up on life. (UK Telegraph)
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