DAILY HASSLE: Rounding Up The Hoff

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davidhasselhoff9xv.jpgWe were fools to think that we could adequately cover all the breaking news surrounding the life of The Hoff with just one measley post a day, which is why we’ve finally come to our senses and created a round-up version of the Daily Hassle so none of the important Hofflines can fall through the cracks.

  • Some soon-to-be-sorry security guard didn’t recognize The Hoff on the beach where Baywatch took place, and charged him a $7 admission fee to his own Hoffland. The guard has already been taken into custody and will be beaten, tortured and executed forthwith.
  • You can bet your sweet ass The Hoff has the skills to pay his bills, no matter what his b*tch ex-wife tries to say about it.
  • Ice-T is saying that he could teach The Hoff to rap for 5 million dollars. First hoff, there is nothing The Hoff doesn’t already know. Second hoff, Ice-T should have to pay 5 million dollars for these insulting remarks, especially considering he ripped hoff The Hoff’s hip-hoff classic “Hoff-killer” for his own song.
  • Brit-rockers The Automatic demand that shrines to The Hoff be built in their dressing rooms at all performances. Hear that, Vh1? I told you guys I wasn’t the only one! In the future of all workplaces and Hoffices, shrines to The Hoff will be as commonplace as restroom facilities.
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