• BREAKING NEWS: Mel Gibson isn’t in rehab after all! He’s in an outpatient program that has him “not drinking” in the comfort of his own home! Shocking! News! Oh, also, something about police catching JonBenet‘s killer… we didn’t really read it. (Defamer, CNN)
  • SHOCK AND CLAWS: Joan Rivers‘ new talk show, Can We Dish?, will be gay. No, we mean really gay. You know your Uncle that never got married? Even your Uncle is like “Miss Thing, that show is a ki ki!” (Loose translation: “Friend, that show is gay.”) (NY Observer)
  • LE-WHO ZA-CARES: Time travel back to when you were 13-years-old, when learning about the Ace Ventura 3 sequel would’ve made your week. Now fast forward to your current age, and realize that Ace Ventura 3 will not make you any less lonely or unsuccessful. And Jim Carrey‘s not even in it! (E! Online)
  • VIRAL DOMINATION: YouTube wants to offer every music video ever made available on their website. When asked about the plan, an apathetic MTV simply rolled their eyes, shrugged, and continued watching The Real World: Does Not Contain This Many Attractive People. (Fox News)
  • GRUESOME TWOSOME: Johnny Depp will pair up with Tim Burton to make the film adaption of the musical Sweeney Todd. How early can you start camping out for something, Star Wars-style? (Note that we are currently camping out for Snakes on a Plane tickets.) (Associated Press)
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