• MAN BITES DOG: Some dude is suing Dog the Bounty Hunter for being wrongfully pegged as a fugitive. Personally, I think one should be careful about suing a man who calls himself “Dog” and dresses like Mad Max. (E! Online)
  • SELF-CRITICISM: Paris Hilton gave her own album a glowing review. Hmm, a positive review for Paris’ album? Someone at the label must have put her on the payroll. (Yahoo!)
  • SCORNED DRUG: According to Cocaine, “When This Meth Thing Blows Over, You’ll Come Crawling Back”. (The Onion)
  • PRE-NUPPED UP: In her battle for the fortune she married Paul McCartney to steal, Heather Mills is now filming a video diary of their divorce, which she threatens to turn into a reality show should her settlement demands not be met. I think this sends an inspiring message to all disabled people, proving that being handicapped even can’t stop someone from being the very best Golddigging succubi the world has ever known! (A Socialite’s Life)
  • HAIK-VIEW: In preparation for the apocalyptic morning show meltdown that will inevitably occur when she joins the estrogen orgy at The View, Rosie O’Donnell is already coping with her co-hosting concerns in the form of bizarre, incoherent prose on her personal blog. I seriously recommend giving the old TiVo a tune-up. (Us Weekly)
  • FEAR FACTOR: People are saying Clay Aiken chose to limit his appearance on Good Morning America to a musical performance because he wanted to avoid discussing homosexuality rumors, but we think Diane Sawyer refused to interview him out of fear for her life. We know better than anyone that those Claymates don’t f*ck around. (Page Six)
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