It’s Monday, so you know what that means: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are probably off fighting in some mirrored room somewhere. Angelina is said to be in a deep post-natal depression, and is feeling the strain of her mother’s illness and the constant media attention. Many in Hollywood, no doubt worlds less attractive than either of them, are speculating that the relationship won’t see the end of the year. But we think that’s impossible. Why, you ask?
Because. If the two BEST LOOKING PEOPLE IN THE WORLD cannot make it work — WHO CAN, I ASK YOU? Nobody, that’s who. Take my word for it: If Brangelina falls through, I will completely give up on myself physically. I will bathe in Ben and Jerry’s, wash my face with Hershey’s chocolate syrup, wear entire hams for shoes, and the skin of the poor as a dress. Because, simply put, looks will cease to matter. Take a moment and think about these ramifications, while I nervously nibble on a 10-calorie dessert in anticipation.