As the wave of frenzy surrounding Snakes on a Plane has finally crested and now rolls its way back to the ocean of pop culture curiosities, we’re left with only the aftermath of this epic Internet phenomenon. For most of us, SoaP will soon be synonymous with other odd-but-now-forgotten cinematic obsessions such as the Ernest Goes To (Blank) movies, Robocop, and Jean-Claude Van Damme. But for one man, Snakes on a Plane Mania will – quite literally – live on forever. Jim Dozier (nicknamed “Doz”) was so enamored with the idea of a film about deadly reptiles loose on a commercial airliner that he had its logo prominently tattooed on his left bicep – before he’d even seen the movie! As this left us utterly baffled, we had no choice but to seek out this amazing specimen of a man and demand an explanation for what could motivate one to do such a seemingly ridiculous thing. We chatted earlier this afternoon via IM, and the transcript of that conversation can be read – nay, studied and extensively contemplated! – after the jump. If you’re as impressed as we were by this man’s bold commitment to unflinching SoaP awesomeness, PLEASE take a moment and vote for Doz to win the Snakes on a Plane #1 Fan Sweepstakes. We’re pretty sure that he’s earned it.
BWE: So I guess we’ll just delve right into the pertinent questions.
BWE: Why did you get “Snakes on a Plane” tattooed (rather prominently, I might add) on your bicep?
Doz: Because I thought it would be fun and as a way to promote a podcast that I do with my brother and some friends. Plus other people had been saying that they were going to do it and no one did. I decided to be the geek that did it!
BWE: Nice. And when did you have this glorious artwork permanently applied to your flesh?
Doz: July 22nd, 2006
BWE: So prior to the film’s release and – presumably – your having seen it?
Doz: Yeah almost a month before the film was released. I saw it on August 17th at a preview showing.
BWE: And were you not concerned about the possibility of disliking the film once you finally DID see it (as implausible as it might be that one could ever dislike a film entitled “Snakes on a Plane”)?
Doz: Not at all. It was either going to be cinematic genius or just a great time at the movies! Either way I was cool with it!
BWE: “Cool with it” like FOREVER “cool with it”? Cause Iâ€™d have to be pretty fâ€™ing cool with something to have it permanently tattooed on my body.
Doz: Yeah cool with it forever. I have a piece of pop-culture history etched on my arm forever. I was the first(and probably the last ) to do so with this particular film.
BWE: After the film’s somewhat disappointing take at the box office last weekend, did you find yourself wishing â€“ maybe even just a little – that you had at least gotten a smaller tattoo?
Doz: No it doesn’t matter if the movie only sold one ticket. It’s been a fun experience and I can always look on my left arm and have something to laugh at.
BWE: I see your point, but what will you do if a movie comes along that surpasses even the ironic genius of “Snakes on a Plane”? I mean, we could potentially be seeing something like “Ninjas on a Pirate Ship” as soon as next year!
Doz: The right arm is free…HAHA!
BWE: I bet that tat is gonna get you so much poon.
Doz: It hasn’t yet!
BWE: Dude, it totally will. Just be patient. If there’s one thing chicks love, it’s guys with “Snakes on a Plane” tattooed on their arm.
Doz: Yeah I’m sure that’s true!
BWE: So, to your knowledge, are you the only person who has elected to have Snakes on a Plane permanently inked onto their skin?
Doz: Yes, to my knowledge I am the only one that had the balls of steel to do it!
BWE: Balls of steel is right! I don’t think even Brian Bosworth is hard enough to do something as badass as that, and he’s The freakinâ€™ Boz.
BWE: The Hoff would probably do it (because he can â€“ and will â€“ do anything), but he’s really the only other person who comes to mind.
Doz: Don’t forget Chuck Norris!
BWE: Yeah, I thought about Norris, too – but even Chuck doesn’t seem tough enough to pull this off. You canâ€™t karate kick a Snakes on a Plane tattoo.
BWE: Dude, you’re tougher than Chuck F*cking Norris! (In my opinion, at least).
Doz: LOL, Thanks man!
BWE: So tell me – were you intoxicated at the time you decided to have this tattoo permanently applied to your skin?
Doz: Nope, stone cold sober.
BWE: Do you have a drug problem?
BWE: It’s courageous to ask for help, you know.
BWE: There are self-help books and support groups we could put you in touch with.
Doz: Nope, I don’t do drugs.
BWE: Hmm, I guess I’ll take your take your word for it, though drug abuse would better explain why you chose to do this.
BWE: Tell me, and be honest – have you not grown even a little tired of all the Snakes on a Plane frenzy? I mean, I was one of the first people blogging about it, months ago, and it was a pretty funny joke for awhile. But then the mainstream media caught on and the studio starting pimping it like a nymphomaniac prostitute, and then I just started feeling dirty for even talking about it.
BWE: Maybe thatâ€™s a silly question to ask someone who had it tattooed on their arm.
Doz: Not really, it’s been fun. Something like this doesn’t come around all that often and you just enjoy the ride.
BWE: When you flex your muscles, do the snakes get bigger and scarier-looking?
Doz: Well of course they do!
BWE: That is nothing less than the coolest thing I’ve ever heard.
Doz: This is true.
BWE: So have you ever been concerned about the dangers of venomous reptiles whilst personally traveling by air?
Doz: The two times that I have traveled by air it did not concern me at all! But nowadays I might have to give it some thought!
BWE: What would you do if you were on a plane, just enjoying your peanuts and perusing the fascinating articles from the in-flight magazine, and it was suddenly brought to your attention that deadly snakes were loose on the aircraft?
BWE: Would you get those muthaf*ckinâ€™ snakes off the muthaf*ckinâ€™ plane?
Doz: Hell yeah, I would!
BWE: Or would you just hide in the lavatory like a little baby?
BWE: Cause that’s probably what I’d do.
Doz: I’d get rid of those muthaf*ckin’ snakes!
BWE: You know, nobody really seems to be addressing the issue of how the snakes might have felt about being on the plane to begin with. Flying can be pretty scary.
BWE: Maybe even more so for reptiles.
BWE: From what I understand, they prefer damp, cool places like the bottom of rocks – not Boeing 747’s.
BWE: It’s really no wonder they were freaking out.
BWE: They were just trying to defend themselves, maybe feeling airsick, and suddenly Samuel L. Jackson shows up and starts screaming the â€œF wordâ€, waving guns around, and trying to kill them all!
BWE: It doesn’t really seem fair.
Doz: Well they could have just said they were scared. Samuel L should have asked “Parseltongue muthaf*cker – do you speak it?!”
BWE: Haha, good one! But snakes canâ€™t talk. And Iâ€™m pretty sure Parseltongue is only a language in the Harry Potter books.
BWE: People may try to give you sh*t for you tattoo, but no matter what they say, always remember one thing, Doz…
BWE: â€¦Snakes on a Plane on your arm is way cooler than butterflies on your lower back.
Doz: Oh they have given me shit! Yes, I agree it’s way better than butterflies!
BWE: Of course it is. Friendly animals tattooed on a womanâ€™s lower back is pretty much the worst thing ever. They should make a movie where Samuel L. Jackson screams and cusses at drunk sorority girls about how ridiculous having turtles tattooed on their lower backs really looks.
BWE: Ok, one more question: if they make a Snakes on a Plane sequel, and they very well might, will you get a tattoo of that? Or maybe just have “2: They’re Back, and They’re Hissed!” slapped on right under your current one?
Doz: I might get it tattooed on the other arm. I don’t want to break up the collection!
BWE: True, one should never mess with perfection.
BWE: Did you not even consider a temporary tattoo?
BWE: The studio probably has them on the official website.
Doz: Nope, temporary wasn’t even an option. If you’re going to do something you should go all the way with it!
BWE: Samuel L. Jackson couldn’t have said it (or screamed it, using lots of profanity) any better himself.
BWE: Well Doz, I’ve gotta say – even though I’m not sure I would have chosen to enhance my body with a permanent Snakes on a Plane tattoo, I think you’re one of irony’s great heroes.
Doz: Thank you, sir!
BWE: Is there anything else you’d like to tell us about your adventure?
Doz: I just want to thank the people over at Fazed for all their support – and my real life friends, too.
BWE: Awesome. Well, may your future plane travel be safe and may the snakes stay far from them muthaf*ckin’ planes.
Doz: Thank you sir for your time! Snakes on a Muthaf*ckin’ Plane!!!
Snakes on a Muthaf*ckin’ Plane, indeed.