While You Were Tying Your “Boss of the Sauce” Apron…

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  • Nicole Richie demonstrates to the world how she keeps her trim figure: Her trademarked “molecular bites.”
  • BREAKING NEWS ALERT FOR MANKIND: Axl Rose and Tommy Hilfiger made up. Did you hear that, Middle East?
  • Ginger Spice has filed a complaint that her 3-month old daughter has been physically abused. The irony of this story is not lost on the many Guantanamo prisoners forced to listen to “If You Wanna Be My Lover” until their eye sockets bled for mercy.
  • Michael Jackson has contacted director John Landis about directing his “comeback video.” John Landis has responded by crouching in the corner of a dark, windowless room and not responding to the his wife’s persistent yelling of “John, it’s Michael on the phone! He wants you to direct his comeback video!”
  • Sharon Osborne‘s dog Minnie attacked Patrick Swayze during a taping of Osborne’s English talk show. The dog didn’t bite Swayze, but rather demanded to know what the deal with Point Break was.
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