Press reports indicate that Britney Spears will give birth to her second child today via C-section. K-Fed prepares to be bumped down one notch to the Fourth Most Likeable member of the family.
The Arctic Monkeys have taken home the U.K’s Nationwide Mercury Prize. Hipsters who wrote the band off back in April will hold a meeting to determine if this means they are “so over” or if it’s now safe to like them ironically.
Daniel Craig, a.k.a. James Bond, hates Los Angeles because you “can’t party” there. When reached for comment, Lindsay Lohan said, “Huh? What? Are you asking a question? Jesus Christ I’m so f**ked up right now.”
Viacom chief Sumner Redstonedecided to fire CEO Tom Freston a week before he fired Tom Cruise. The 83-year-old also declared he wanted to fire Tom Hanks and Tom Brady, before being reminded he didn’t own everybody named Tom.