While waiting to see Step Up the other night (I positively adore films about people overcoming life obstacles through the power of dance), I saw a preview for Zach Braff’s new movie The Last Kiss, which unexpectedly made me so physically angry that I literally wanted to get up and punch the screen. It’s not that it looked like one of those ridiculous movies with cross-dressing Wayans you always wonder who watches. On the surface, The Last Kiss actually seems like the kind of character-driven dark comedy I tend to enjoy. So why did I want to punch it? Three reasons:
(a) It’s a completely shameless attempt to exploit the few suckers who are so enamored by Braff’s highly over-rated brand of psuedo-indie pretentiousness that they’d actually shell out another ten bucks to see a cynically-produced carbon copy of Garden State, leading me to wonder:
(b) How many movies do we need in which Braff plays a charmingly conflicted twenty-something trying to figure out “what it all means” by staring sullenly at us from artful camera shots until he meets a girl who’s vaguely “different” because she does wacky spontaneous stuff like yelling into canyons in the rain, all set to a soundtrack of last year’s mainstream indie rock, which Braff clearly thinks is “edgy” despite the fact this life-changing music can probably also be found in a Toyota commercial?
(c) Based on this trailer, The Last Kiss appears to be the cinematic equivalent of a sensitive high school kid’s overwrought poetry about loneliness, which falls somewhere between footage of a loved one’s death and ‘Wayans Brothers Film Festival’ on the list of things I’d enjoy doing.
A lot of you probably love Braff and will say I’m being a harsh jerkface for expressing these sentiments, but watch the trailer after the jump and honestly ask yourself whether I’m totally off-base. But whatever you do, don’t help this movie make money by paying to see it, lest we be forced to endure an entire trilogy of Braff’s ‘Emo McHipster’ saga, which would undoubtedly result in an innocent movie screen getting the ever-living sh*t beaten out of it.