Lindsay Lohan has had better weeks. First, there was the whole pig va-hee-na spectacle of a few days ago, where a well-timed breeze and silky skirt conspired to collectively ruin the world’s appetite. Now, the poor thing’s purse was stolen at Heathrow airport. And not just any purse, but a HermÃ¨s Birkin Bag, the kind of bag that even Marie Antoinette‘s corpse is still on the waiting list for. The bag itself is worth thousands (at least we know where her college fund is going). But Lindsay also happen placed nearly a million dollars worth of jewelry inside the orange bag, which was then stolen by a clear genius off of an unattended luggage trolley.
Correct us if we’re wrong, but if you’re going to hop on a plane with a Pirates of the Caribbean-like cache of jewels, wouldn’t you put it in a less obvious vessel than a Hermes bag? Like… a horse feeder? Or something totally last sleezon — like a leather-patchwork QVC organizer? Did this bitch never see Casino? You gotta hide the diamonds in your hair! Or put them up your fuschia nethers! Really, Lindsay, for a girl with no education and an attitude prob, we’re a little surprised at your lack of sechel (Yiddish for common sense… we’re feeling Grandmotherly and judgmental.)
Reports are now saying that Lindsay has gotten her bag back, but no word yet on whether the jewels were inside. So if you see some tattered, toothless Brit walking around Heathrow in a diamond-studded thong holding money-sacks full of cocaine, call the authorities.