Britney Spears Scares Away Last Remaining Fan

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Britney Spears unveiled a new look for her website today. And, well… if Snakes on a Plane had a website equivalent, it would be BritneySpears.com. The site features a tiger’s head morphing Black or White-stizz into Britney’s sultry gaze. Only that when the twain faces meet, it isn’t sexy so much as it is a half-mongoloid/half-zombie looking to laid. Oh, right, and there’s growling. And it’s terrifying. Seriously, we had to take a Xanax. Plus, the site is only under construction! Cut to three months from now, when clicking on BritneySpears.com cues a man to jump out from your cubicle and slit your throat.

The good news? The only option right now on the site is to “Tell a Friend” or “Join the Club.” We’re not sure what sort of backward, baby-popping, gum-snapping, brink-of-breakdown club this is, but we’ll totally sign up if she makes us Historian.

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