While You Were Feeling Your Heart Explode

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plasticbag.jpg

  • A plastic bag has been spotted floating near a shuttle in outer space, thus completely blowing the minds of stoned college kids who think American Beauty* and 2001 are, like, so deep man.
  • While visiting boyfried Pete Doherty in rehab last week, Kate Moss reportedly “got it on” with him in the public garden, proving once again that these two are the Romeo and Juliet of drug-addled enablers. Oh bag of blow, bag of blow – wherefore art thou bag of blow?
  • Jessica Simpson says shooting her movie Employee of the Month “got her through a tough time”. Yes, nothing brightens the days of bitter divorce quite like Dane Cook doing cartwheels while holding his crotch and making fart noises.
  • You know what else healed the wounds of Jessica’s broken matrimony? F*cking some Jackass whose entire life’s work consists of binge drinking, lighting himself on fire and letting crabs dangle from his tongue.
  • To mark the 15th anniversary of Nirvana’s landmark album Nevermind, Courtney Love busts out one of her old classics, “Still Shamelessly Exploiting My Dead Genius Husband For Personal Attention After All These Years”.

*Seriously, it’s a f*cking bag.

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