SIZZLER: Lohan and Morton Paid to Bang!

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We… we don’t really know where to begin with this one. Our very foundation of what love is built on has been shaken to the core. It seems that the public has been the victim of a very cruel stunt: Lindsay Lohan may have been paid to go out with Pink Taco owner Harry Morton. According to sources, Lindsay and Harry share the same publicist, who thought that a faux-lationship would help boost Morton’s name in the press as well as buzz around his Las Vegas nightclub. Yesterday, the two had a fully-staged lunch set up at The Ivy in Los Angeles, along with a fully functional soundtrack. (Don’t try to imagine it — video footage, thankfully, exists. Take not of the lyrics spilling out of her S.U.V.) What else is fake? Is your hair not chestnut brown? Have you never suffered from heat exhaustion? Is every crotch shot actually a prosthetic vagina? We have a lot of thinking to do.