While You Were In Serious Need of Some Publicity

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  • Tara Reid admits to having “botched implants” and “liposuction”, yet still holding out on “a problem”. I guess you gotta save something for the next “magazine cover confession”.
  • Madonna’s adoption of an impoverished African child shameless, unoriginal, increasingly desperate ploy for our continued attention has finally been confirmed and made official. What? You still don’t care?
  • Jessica Alba: “I don’t do nudity.” Every Man (and Lesbian or Bi-Curious Woman) In America: “Come on, please!?!”
  • One of Malibu Gibson’s bestest drinking buddies has reportedly been charged with molesting two 12 year-old boys aboard a cruise ship. When asked for comment, Gibson condemned pedophilia, but showed some support for his friend by adding, “Though I suppose there are worse things in the world…like JEWS!”
  • Zach Braff says his sex scene with Rachel Bilson in The Last Kiss was “fumbling, awkard, elbows everywhere”. Little tip, Braff: it’s a whole lot easier when you’re not trying to symmetrically position a camera in front of you to stare at while listening to Sufjan Stevens and crying.
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