Filing Nick Lachey under “D for Douche” is sort of like calling Paris Hilton “a little promiscuous” – it just goes without saying. But some d-bags are d-baggier than others, and when Jessica Simpson’s c*ck-loving cuckold told David Letterman that he deals with his divorce from that brainless boobjob by “throwing himself into a little bit of booze to kind of numb the pain”, he’s pretty much slamming his fist down on the bar after half a beer and drunkenly announcing to everyone within earshot, “I AM NICK LACHEY, AND I AM A PATHETIC DOUCHEBAG!” like the total Sorority Girl that he is. The mental image of that blonde-tipped baby crying into a bottle of Smirnoff Ice over the inevitable failure of his publicity stunt marriage makes it so much easier to understand why wifey would want to be the meat in the middle of a Jackass sandwich. Anyways, congratulations Nick – you’re today’s Daily Douche. And a total pussy.