Celebrity Name Generator Perfect for People Who Have No Idea How the English Language Works

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God Bless USA Today. As though their brightly colored pie charts and mid-Western hotel doorstep school of journalism weren’t enough to make you a fan, this Celebrity Name Generator will surely do the trick! Now you and your intellectually hunger-panged loved one can have a nickname just like all those fancy Hollywood couples and their newfangled hybrid names.

Using it is easy: Just enter your first of last name as well as your significant other, and just like one of those awesome machines from the 1950s, it cranks out a little piece of paper at the end with the answer on it. Only… jeez this machine doesn’t seem to really work.

Their suggestion for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, aka the above pictured examples? BRADINA. Just doesn’t have the same ring to it. And what of hot new couple Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal? Raeeke.

Looks like we’ll have to keep using these hot pink wrinkled, old tinker-tanks we were born with after all, eh? (via Jossip)