Stare Long and Hard Into the Eyes of Sadness

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Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you Bud Bundy, Age 33:

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Anything seem a little weird or… off to you? We’ll hand it to him – the hair looks cute, and he could certainly look worse (read: boy bandier), but stare deep into his eyes. David Faustino, aka “Bud”, is stoned out of his brains. These are the eyes of a lost man. This picture? His mugshot, from when he was arrested for pot possession and disorderly intoxication charges (after publicly arguing with his ex-wife.) But that’s not the worst part. That pimple on his cheek? Still not the worst part. No, according to the police report obtained by The Smoking Gun, the worst part is this:

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He is sooooo tinyyyy ayayayay. Seriously, I was in the market for a chihuahua, but a small part of me kind of wants to adopt David Faustino! Leash him up and show him off! Cuddle on a rainy night, play frisbee in the park… jeez, we would have a freakin’ blast! Needless to say, I’d also cuddle the sh*t outta him.

Let’s also use this time to relive one of the best quotes from Married With Children:
Bud: Now, you see this crack between the stove and the wall? Every now and then I’ll find, say, a fuzzy M&M. Now, you just peel the protective coating, and you’ve got a nice little dose of simple carbohydrates. And don’t throw away that colorful shell. Makes a hearty base for soup.
Al: Well, I’ll get the hanger and a little piece of gum and a-hunting we will go!