BWE Sports: James Addiction

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Lebron James

  • Lebron James missed the final shot in the Cavaliers’ 79-76 loss to the Pistons last night, just two days after James was criticized for passing instead of taking the final shot in Game 1. At the end of the next game, instead of shooting or passing, James is just going to sit and eat some porridge that is juuuuust right.
  • Former NHL player Rick Tocchet pleaded guilty to running a secret sports gambling ring. Tocchet, currently an assistant coach with the Phoenix Coyotes, is not likely to face stiff jail time, though he will probably have to give back the five trillion dollars he made betting against the Coyotes.
  • Cincinnati Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis apologized today for his remarks that the police were unfairly profiling his players because of their high stature. Lewis admitted he changed his mind after getting robbed yesterday by four Bengals players.
  • Danish cyclist Bjarne Riis admitted that he used performance-enhancing drugs during his 1996 Tour de France victory, but added, “The only effect I had was that I rode faster.” This is the most airtight, sensible argument since Barry Bonds claimed, “The only effect steroids had was that it helped me hit a whole f*cking lot of home runs.”
  • Finally, a former stripper in Texas was sentenced to 40 months in prison for conspiring to embezzle $1 million from an Austin bank in order to fund her NASCAR team. Suspicions were aroused after “Frankie’s Tassels n’ Such” and “Dr. Fenmore’s Abortion Clinic” signed on as sponsors.
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