It is an important day for creepy old man countdown clockers round the world, as today The Olsen Twins turn 21 years of age. Which is all well and good, especially because now they can legally use cocaine, but more importantly… something dawned on us today. WE HAVE NEVER SEEN THE OLSEN TWINS’ PARENTS! Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have been famous for nearly as many years as they’ve been alive, and billionaires for almost as many. Yet, no matter where the paparazzi catch them, no matter what Barrista they may be harassing for “skimmer” milk, they are always sans guardians. We decided to investigate, and here’s what (little) we learned. According to Wikipedia:
Born in Sherman Oaks, California to David Olsen (b. 1953) and Jarnette (Jarnie) Fuller (b. 1954), Mary-Kate and Ashley Fuller Olsen started their acting careers on the television series Full House in 1987. They were hired at the age of six months, and filming began when they were nine months old.
So, first of all, it sort of amazes the mind that the internet features barely any pictures of Jarnie and David. In fact of the few I could find, only two were large enough to even figure out what these two billionaires-by-default looked like. Both taken from when the girls were little:
The rest of the pictures were barely identifiable thumbnails, seen in montage here:
So the real question is, with all the money these girls have between them — in the billions — did they just decide at around age, we don’t know, six, that they don’t need Mom and Dad anymore? Or maybe, just maybe, we finally have a case of Hollywood parents who aren’t addicted to the spotlight like some peopleDinaLohan? We refuse to believe this last theory, as any family that pushed their daughters into acting at 6 months old has got to have Gypsy Rose Lee intentions. Maychance they’re just perma-wading in their gold coin pool, a la Scrooge McDuck.
But seriously (cue Seinfeld voice) WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? And where are they? Your insights are truly apprecaited.