Dear Jesse Lange, Please Turn 18 and Marry Me


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Here’s the way I usually live my life: I try to avoid Bill O’Reilly at all costs. If I’m driving on the highway and I pass an O’Reilly billboard, I duck below the dashboard until it passes. If I’m on the phone with my mother and she brings up the ginger-faced Fox News personality, I throw my phone out of the window and set fire to my childhood photos. If I happen to flip past Fox News while his show, The O’Reilly Factor, is on, I kick in my television screen and drink the broken glass in an effort to maximize pain and hopefully remember something other than his huge cabbagehead.

But for some reason, I couldn’t resist watching the following video, which promised to show a kid in high school taking O’Reilly to school… two times. And moreover, showing him to be the hypocrite he is in a calm and mannerly fashion. And you know? Watching high school student Jesse Lange point out what an ass O’Reilly is, while a man probably 40 years his senior has a panic attack and calls him a pinhead… well that, America, is pretty satisfying. ps Jesse, if you’re reading this, totally add me as a Myspace friend! I leave hilarious comments. xoxo, Statutory Jenkins.

Update: Radar’s got an exclusive interview with this kid. And he’s single!! Which is great news for all of you girls looking for a prom date/groom.

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