While You Were Deflating Your Reebok Pump Ass

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  • Real World London‘s Jacinda Barrett has given birth to a baby! Man, we didn’t even know she was pregnant. That would have been the perfect chance to quote our favorite Jacinda brilliance from the show, spoken to a crying Sharon who was suspended over a high wire in the woods: “Sharon, you look loik a big jell-lay bean.”

  • Britney Spears new first single in years is being produced by a man named Nate ”Danjahandz” Hills. Danjahands, eh? Sounds like a dance move incorporating jazz, pot, and Tony Danza.
  • JBut seriously, does Janet Jackson buy her ass inserts at Ikea or something? They’re phenomenal! And, apparently, disposable!
  • Crazy B*tch of the Year Leona Helmsley has left $12 million to her dog in her will. Begging the question, is that dog single or what?
  • Finally, in a gossip item that would have heated up the blogosphere nearly 60 years ago — Clark Gable was gay for pay! By comparison, Jake Gyllenhaal is gay for hay, and Wentworth Miller is gay for pâté.