Last week, an extreme surprise landed in my inbox — an invitation to a REAL LIFE FASHION SHOW hosted by none other than our favorite syndicated talk show host, Tyra Banks. I sat a little straighter in my chair, airbrushed some black powder onto my cheekbones (if you got it, gaunt it!), and was bouts to strap on my stiletto Manolo bootpants, until I read the fine print. Because where, perchance, was the show located, you’re probably not asking? The Bryant Park tents? No. Maybe some “hip” meatpacking district nightclub? Closer, but still cold. No, the Tyra Banks fashion show, featuring designs by Tracy Reese, was slated to be held at none other than one of the most underrated fashionista hangouts in New York City: Port Authority, aka the Bus Depot, aka The Homeless Sperm Repository, aka How to Escape the City When You’re Running from a Psychotic Ex-Husband. Needless to say, I accepted the invitation.
And so, this morning, I strapped on my waterproof trench coat and met up with BWE producer and photog extraordinaire Raph Rodriguez to capture the “fashion show” in all of its glory. What follows is our experience. Get ready for some of the most
depressing fashion-forward photos you’ve ever seen!
Upon our arrival, it was clear the crowd was abuzz. Or maybe that was just that woman’s Rascal… Either way, the energy was palpable. You’ll note all the patriotism on the surrounding signs… we apologize for posting this today.
Rehearsal time! Fashion show? Or Heavens Gate Suicide Run Through? Or Sophie’s Choice casting call? Or Undereaters Anonymous meeting? So many options.
After the jump, many more pics with commentary from the Tyra Banks Bus Station fashion show, and we see Miss Ty-Ty in person! IT WAS SO FIERCE, YOU HAVE TO SEE IT!
Here is one of The Tyra Banks Show bigwigs making sure the sound system was in proper working condition. It should be noted that the sound system consisted of a clock radio, a pickle jar, some bread crumbs, the synthesizer key from Masters of the Universe, and an old-timey megaphone.
Some of the attendees put together their best ensembles for the event, including the girl on the right, who afterwards immediately made her way to Coney Island to begin her shift as the girl in the Nathan’s hot dog uniform.
That fast moving object? Is that some sort of forest monster…? Or is it MISS TYRA!?!?!
OH MISS TYRA HELLO!!! She kicks off the event by saying, in her finest homegirl accent, that she didn’t want no fancy, shmancy tent where they don’t let anybody inside… she wanted to have it where EVERYONE could enjoy it. And she’s not kidding! Check out the enthused crowd:
Even the guy with the shiner is having an absolute blast!
But on to the fashion! Tyra, who is equally as bubbly and vivacious as she appears on her talk show, introduces the first model in very Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead fashion (“This is Bryan, our Clown Dog server! Bryan is wearing a… crisp white shirt and bow tie…” etc.)
Onto the clothes. The clothes were very…
High-waisted. Tyra actually made this girl rewalk the red carpet so that she could part with this adage “Girls, these are good pants. Because ladies, you know those pants are so low waisted these days… these pants hide the muffin top! And we all need that!!” Everyone but the 33 pound model wearing them, of course.
Don’t let this picture fool you: Tiffany was not actually anywhere near performing in our shopping-mall-esque surroundings. Though we are still disappointed that we weren’t able to catch a couple of ideal homecoming gowns being modeled by the 14-year-old daughters of midwestern stage moms.
Tiffany might not have been there, but luckily Celine Dion was!
Well, if you’re going to sell a dress made out of prison stripes, Port Authority is the place to do it.
When these two dueted on “Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart”, I broke down into tears of unfathomable sadness.
We also spotted fake Terrence Howard in the crowd.
Here’s the man responsible for this high-class affair, one of the Port Authority execs. We sort of think he’s in the wrong business… because he totally outposed Miss Tyra! Tyra had only one thing to say:
(Taken from my favorite website, Tyra Gifs)
And in the end, the crowd loved it! Especially those fenced in like barn animals!
But in all seriousness, we have to hand it to Tyra — we certainly have never been asked to attend any fashion week shows, and for that, we genuinely thank her. All we ask is that next year she classes it up a tad — taquitos at Chevy’s maybe?