The majority of unsanctioned domains seem to end up in the hands of makeshift search engines, albiet not usually ones accompanied by a big picture of a coming-of-age female and her beloved thoroughbred spending time in a field together because it’s the “only place she doesn’t feel like a total outcast,” according to numerous entries in her diary that I made up. Either way, Broncos.com is your one-stop shop for all your Horse Breeding Farm needs.
It’s about time someone made a website where you can book airline travel! As a Jets fan, I’m constantly forgetting that I don’t have to mail letters to airlines requesting available tickets, but I’m always remembering to check the Jets’ upcoming schedule, so I end up typing in jets.com, book my private jet, and kill two birds with one stone! Well, with two stones, cause I then have to go to the actual Jets website, but who cares? It’s Mangenius.
I’m not too surprised that the Arizona Cardinals don’t own this domain, but the St. Louis Cardinals don’t either? Maybe instead of fighting, the two teams compromised and just gave it to this handy website for people searching for “Bird Feeder,” “Pet Store,” “Bird Watching Vacations,” “Bird Watching Gear,” and “SPECIAL RINGTONES”. Ooh, ooh – do they have one of birds chirping “Axel F”??
How the hell did America’s Team not even manage to get its own URL? Plain and simple, they got beaten to the punch. Cowboys.com is the first website in the history of the internet (don’t look that up), although instead of being a Geocities page of one dancing cowboy .gif screaming blonde jokes, the site has since been converted into a place to “Buy, Sell, or Search, for anything Western.” Like, Metaphysics?
This isn’t technically the website for the Chicago Bears, but it’s an extremely close approximation.
Looking for information about Tennessee’s #1 favorite sports team of all-time? Too bad, all you’ll find here is information on background checks for prospective employees, landlords, and firearm owners, plus tons of computer-freezin’ popup ads and indecipherable screenshots from the “Stargate” tv series. Go Preds!
You think the Rams are bad on the field? Their marketing department couldn’t even outbid a website that sells PHOTOGRAPHS OF ACTUAL RAMS. The site advertises, “These images are intended to communicate the sense of awe and wonder I have for these amazing beings,” presumably referring to the creatures themselves, not to the players on the garbage footballing club of the same name.
Really, New York Islanders, you couldn’t have traded one of your four Stanley Cups from the 80s for the rights to islanders.com? I know the webmaster is probably hesitant to give up the accidental traffic to this loose conglomeration of random island resorts organized into an iDVD default menu, but surely it’s worth a shot? Or did Mike Milbury trade away the URL along with Jason Spezza and Zdeno Chara in the Yashin deal? Don’t answer that.
“Angels” has got to be a pretty valuable URL, right? I’m not surprised the L.A. Angels weren’t able to acquire it, it probably belongs to some influential religious group with 250,000 members, right? Or maybe the Hell’s Angels own it ironically? Porn site? Or actual, literal angels? Wait, it’s not another search engine for angel-related goods, is it? Nope, nope, nope, nope, and nopeynope. Angels.com is a one-page screen of a vaguely tropical postcard with some foreign characters, and there is absolutely no single thing to click on the entire page. Either way, I’ve decided I’m going to mail it money.
Like the actual Nets, Nets.com relocates. Unlike the actual Nets, it relocates to Cybermesa.com, a place where tiny dogs hold phones in their mouths and clipart telephones remind you which device you should use to make telephone phone calls. Plus, if you sign in, you can even check your email! Anything in the cyber-inbox from Jason Kidd? Did he get traded for a couple tiny dogs with nylon bags strapped over their shoulders? No? Damn.