An article published in the Irish Independent is claiming that the most adorable orphan ever, Knut, is grown up now. And thanks to all of the media attention he’s been getting ever since he was cubby time (Joy Luck Club reference? No? Movingon.org…), our little Knutty is also a (gulp)… psychopath. Below are excerpts taken from the article that really inflicted the most pain on our tender bear loving hearts. Read along with us and then help us figure out: Is Knut a psychopath, or like a really awesome person-bear? It begins:
Knut close up is disconcerting to say the least: he is not white but mired a filthy brownish grey colour by the mud and dirty pools of water in his enclosure. At a year old, and weighing more than 17 stone he is bigger than a man when standing on his hind legs.
OK first of all, what sort of insane cleanliness regime does this reporter go through that he’s putting down a snow white bear for having a little dirt on him? Where is he sleeping tonight — Trump Tower? Highly mmmdoubtful. And hey, you know what’s also a little disconcerting? Reporters who are a**holes.
On a wet day last week Knut stood alone in his enclosure playing to his gallery of adoring visitors like an accomplished Rada graduate. Somebody had thrown him a six-inch-long plastic toy. Knut rolled it around in his mouth, threw it into a pool and dived after it, snatched it up with his paw and then rose up on to his hind legs before quickly flipping the object back into his mouth again. He did this for half an hour and his audience roared with approval. It was more circus than zoo.
OK, adorable… adorable… so cute! So sweet! And adorable. Nope, nothing wrong here.
While some insist that bears born in zoos have a right to human intervention to save and secure their lives, others such as the German animal rights activist, Frank Albrecht argue that they become so dependent on man that they end up divorced from nature and turn into hyperactive, disturbed freaks.
Sound familiar, 1939?
“Knut is a problem bear who has become addicted to human beings,” he said.
The German zoologist Peter Arras has described Knut as a “psychopath“.
Oh my god, that is so fantastic: He’s addicted to people! What a bear. You can take him to parties, discuss Netflix queues, make Starbucks runs even! Psychopath? Or Psychofuntimes? It continues…
Knut faces an uncertain and lonely future. The German media like to think Flocke (Ed. Note: Another orphaned polay lady bear) holds the key to his salvation and that she will eventually become his mate. But for most zoologists the idea is pure fantasy. “Knut won’t manage anything with a female bear, I guarantee that,” insisted Dr Arras.
Oh really, Dr. Arras… or really… is that right?
Well he IS human after all. They said so themselves! Just hot glue like a dozen of them together, he’ll be fine.
Also, apologies if this post wasn’t “cute” enough. As an olive branch, I give you this darling little thing.