LOST RECAP: Mamma Kate And The Oceanic Eight

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SPOILER ALERTS, PEOPLE — IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE EPISODE, DON’T LOOK AT THE HUGE BOLD TEXT BELOW. This goes for all future Lost recaps as well. There — now no spoiler complaints in the comments, please.

What Kate Be Doin With That Baby??

KateSo much for my earlier Oceanic Six prediction — we have to assume Claire dies, cause there’s surely no other way she’d allow herself to be separated from her baby, right? Additionally, Jack’s reluctance to see Aaron likely means that he has some sort of negative memory associated with the kid, possibly because he blames himself for Claire’s death. This could imply that everyone who went with Locke ends up screwed, which would support Hurley’s flash-forward declaration to Jack about “I should have gone with you,” and it’s believable that Hurley deserts Locke at some point, but where does that leave loyal Jin and Sun? Also, is Kate attempting to keep Aaron a secret? It would explain her not wanting to bring the kid to court or introduce the kid to her newly repentant mother.

Here’s another ridiculous, unhelpful theory that would make everyone quit Lost forever: Kate actually has her own baby, and just names it Aaron. Eh??? EH??? I didn’t see that gem of a theory anywhere in the EW Recap. You’re slippin’, fellazzz!

The Oceanic Eight Minus Two

blurry LockeIf we assume that Aaron counts as the fifth member of the Oceanic Six, that means that either Jin and Sun get split up somehow, or someone unexpected like Sawyer sneaks into the Six, or someone else like Desmond or Juliet makes the trip back posing as one of the other survivors, or Claire is the sixth member and she dies on the mainland (unlikely that she’s the one at the empty funeral in the Hispanic neighborhood from the Season 3 finale, though).

Another wrinkle introduced last night was Jack’s court testimony sticking to a story that only eight of them survived the initial crash. Which two are they admitting died, and who are they covering for? Perhaps they’re conceding that Claire was on the island to explain the baby and maybe Locke, if they have some evidence that he was doing crap on the island, in order to protect the remaining survivors from Oceanic McShady? If the general population buys into the eight survivors theory, though, that means that either none of the Other Others make it back to the mainland, or they don’t tell the public that they know Jack is lying.

Let’s Make A Deal, Or Nine

BenMiles takes advantage of his one-minute meeting with Ben to propose some backdoor shenanigans, claiming that for the specific price of $3.2 million in cash, Miles will tell his crew that Ben is already dead and additionally “take care of Charlotte.” I don’t see how this transaction could possibly be pulled off, or how Miles would take that money back with him while disposing of Charlotte and satisfactorily convincing his bosses that Ben’s dead, so, as with everything on this damn show, we should probably assume that there’s an alterior motive in play. Does Miles just want proof that Ben has access to millions of dollars? Was that talk some sort of dummy conversation about something secret but designed to keep Kate on the outside? Does Miles need exactly $3.2 million to buy the baseball field / new orphanage for the misfit kids he’s learned to love in whatever separate family movie happens to be going on outside the island? Not much indication was given in either direction, but there’s no way this straightforward transaction is going to take place, and whatever the trick is, Ben’s not going to fall for it.

Also, how badass was Locke sticking the grenade in Miles’ mouth to shut him up? Reminded me of the movie “Thinner” when Joe Mantegna puts a jar of acid on the dude’s face to keep him from getting up, only not retarded.

The Island Has Narnia Time Powers

NarniaWe learned last week from Daniel’s torpedo clock experiment that something was amiss timewise between the island and the rest of the world, but now, Sayid, Desmond, and the Lawnmower Man appear to be caught in the time-crossfire. The “scenes from the next Lost” appeared to indicate that we’ll learn the fate of the helicopter next week, but just how dramatically differently is time is moving on the mainland versus the island? Are we going to find out that the survivors have been gone for a lot longer than a couple months? And what happens to the individuals who make that leap between time-rates? Feel free to Google info about Lost and its allusions to theories of relativity, because I have nothing to add on the matter. I’m just here to point out Sayid’s feminine cuddling position.

Hurley Is Cindy Brady

CindyPoor Hurley — he got shafted a few times in the earlier seasons, but what little dignity he reclaimed with his fearless van stunt in the Season 3 finale was pretty much wiped away last night when Kate easily tricked him into revealing Miles’ location, and Sawyer telling Locke that if Hurley knows anything, everyone knows. I love me some Hurley, but the last thing anyone on Island of Withholding Crucial Information needs is a lispy blonde girl really specifically telling secrets and then saying “oops” and then a 70s-sounding “wah-wowww” playing as she shrugs. I have no doubt Hurley will redeem himself before the season ends; maybe he’ll run over Locke in the van when he realizes he’s been led astray?

Best Line In The Episode

Hurley’s toilet flush was unusually comical, but my roomful of fans all lol’ed when Ben told Locke, “You’re more LOST than you’ve ever been…” Finally — it’s the TITULAR LINE! We now know why the show is called Lost! Because they’re lost!!! Lost!!!!

Is Michael Gonna Show Up Or What?

MichaelHarold Perrineau has been in the credits for every episode this season, and he still hasn’t showed up, and we still don’t know who Ben’s “man on the boat” is. I hope they’re not banking on his eventual reveal as a huge, season-altering climax, cause we all know it’s coming. Maybe the season will end with Sayid finally making it to the boat and Michael saying into the camera — “Hello again, Sayid. It appears you certainly are… LOST”. I hope so.