LOST RECAP: The Romantic Comedy Episode!

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Ben Linus Is An Evil Sociopathic Mastermind Who Always Gets What He Wants, Except [RECORD SCRATCH] When It Comes To Women [WHAAOW!!! I FEEL GOOD...]

Jack n JulietLast night’s goofy romantic comedy, ”The Other Woman”, was a bit of a step back from “Intense Time Warping Information-Packed Desmond Adventure” — Juliet’s flashback was strangely uneventful and uninformative, Charlotte and Daniels’ sudden Bonnie-and-Clyde turn was short-lived and unsuspenseful, and perhaps worst of all, why was Ben such a f*cking loser in the flashback? The “Lost” writers are so adept at cramming believable, natural-sounding subtext into every untrustworthy, suspicious dialogue exchange between the characters, but out of nowhere, here’s Ben inviting Juliet to an intimate dinner at his place with their plates sitting three inches apart and romantic music playing in the background? What guy outside of a sleazebag romantic-comedy antagonist would ever be that stupidly on-the-nose trying to impress his obviously uninterested crush?

Ben is probably my favorite character in the show (not counting Hurley), but last night was like one of those “Sopranos” episodes that reminds you “Oh yeah, Tony’s a total sociopath, I always forget that.” Ben’s always been sinister and manipulative, but in an intriguing, sadistically appealing kind of way, not in a lame molestor kind of way. I just hope Hurley doesn’t invite Claire to a private, romantic “dinner party” next episode, or I will quit watching this show forever.

Locke Sure Caved Quick, Didn’t He?

LockeAnyone notice the literary allusion between last night’s Locke / Ben exchange and “Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me”?

Ben: Let me out of here, Locke, I have information you need.
Locke: No way, I’ll leave you in here as long as it takes.
Ben: If you let me out, I’ll tell you everything you want to know.
Locke: I’m through trusting you. That eighteenth time was the last time, I super dooper pinky swear times infinity plus one.
Ben: Seriously, let me out and I’ll tell you stuff.
Locke: Ok, deal.
Ben: Whoa, really? That was…a little easy.

Where Have All The Others Gone? Bunch Of Episodes Passing…

BenThe Others have been suspiciously absent all season, which I initially chalked up to writerly convenience while these nine other subplots were going on, but now it appears that Ben has either been secretly contacting his comrades or gave them very specific orders before his capture, or his man on the ship has taken charge in his absence. Psychiatrist Cougar woman convinces Juliet to stop Charlotte and Daniel from releasing poison gas from yet another secret island chamber, but it turns out, Daniel was actually just trying to neutralize the gas, and he succeeds just two seconds away from everyone being killed (one second remaining would’ve been a hacky, action-movie countdown scene, but two is totally original).

So was Ben in the process of trying to kill everyone on the island (again), banking on his being underground and the Others being in the temple to keep them safe? Is Ben’s man on the ship calling the shots? How did Ben contact Cougar woman, and why did he employ Juliet to stop the Other Others instead of just sending his people after them? Can Daniel accomplish any deed without being all sweaty and nervous? I say yes, yes, for no reason, and no.

Charles Widmore: Really Shady, Or Really Really Shady?

WidmoreBen shows Locke a VHS tape of Desmond’s matrimonial nemesis Charles Widmore Reservior-Dogging a captive Other and informs Locke that Widmore is the elusive man in charge of the boat and the crew of Other Others. Widmore presumably discovered the island through the Black Rock ship’s journal (or before that and knowingly purchased the journal) and, in Ben’s estimation, will stop at nothing until he controls the island, turning it into some sort of tourist destination or theme park. Has this entire show been an elaborate ABC advertising ploy for Disney’s new “Lost Island”? Uh oh.

This likely confirms our suspicion last week that Widmore is the ‘boss’ mentioned in the Sayid flash-forward, meaning that something must happen between now and then that convinces the islanders that Ben is actually in the right and Widmore is the true villain. Maybe they just spend two minutes watching Charles talk to Desmond?

I Don’t Care How Attractive They Try To Trick Us Into Believing Juliet Is, Her And Jack Ain’t Happenin’

JulietAnyone else notice how consciously the show keeps trying to make Juliet look hot? She looked completely acceptably normal-looking when we first met her, and certainly wasn’t in Claire or Kate’s league, but every week now, Juliet’s eyes get bluer, her necklines get lower, and she’s constantly wet and disheveled anytime she does anything.

Still, I wasn’t completely turned off by the kiss between her and Jack at the episode’s climax. It seemed completely forced, unromantic, and out-of-character, but I feel like it was supposed to; we know Jack loves Kate, he probably still doesn’t totally trust Juliet, and, well, he can do better. But the moment seemed right, and he knows Kate probably spent time with Sawyer when she stayed with the Locke group, so what the hell, kissing deceptively-attractive whisper chick is better than jerking off with the chance of the smoke monster walking in on you.

Next Week: You’ll Never Believe Who Comes Back Hint It’s Michael

This season has gone so long without revealing Michael when the producers admitted before the season that Michael was returning that I’m now beginning to question whether Michael is actually Ben’s man on the ship. It seems too obvious, to the point where I’m starting to force myself to believe other theories about the man on the ship so that when Michael’s revealed, I’m actually a little surprised. Maybe it’ll be Walt in a Michael mask? Or Michelle Rodriguez? Or Harold Perrineau playing the dude from “Oz”? Maybe they’ll just be like, “Screw it, the man on the inside is Jack, somehow. Eat it, you doubting bastards.”

What do you people think? As always, leave all observations, theories, and crap about Goodwin that I didn’t feel like writing about in the comments!

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