LOST RECAP: In The Case Of Newborn Ji Yeon, Jin…………………You ARE The Father! Kind Of.

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Lost Recap for Season 4, Episode 7: “Ji Yeon” (March 14, 2008) — As always, spoilers within, so if you didn’t know that Ben killed Jack this week, do not read this article.

Loooosssstie Baaaaaabies, They Make Sun’s Dreams Come Truuuuuueeeee

Sun BabyDaaayumn, Lost, first you end a season with a flash forward, then you give us crazy time-jumping past-to-present flashbacks, and now you’re giving us a concurrent flash forward and flashback that ultimately don’t coincide? Maybe the Season Four finale will just be J.J. Abrams wiping his ass with a clock.

This week, a pregnant Sun took her place amongst the Oceanic Six — if you’re keeping track, that’s Sun, Jack, Kate, Hurley, Sayid, and, if we assume Aaron doesn’t count, one more wildcard (Rose? Sawyer?) — and went into painful labor, calling out for her husband. Jin, meanwhile, rushed to buy a panda on his way to the hospital before having his cell phone destroyed and his cab stolen with the panda still inside it (my friend swears the taxi was stolen by one of the guys on Widmore’s boat). TombstoneWhen he finally gets to the hospital, we learn that he’s merely engendering goodwill for an ambassador while working for Sun’s father in the past, while Sun, in a flash forward, gives birth to a baby girl, names it Ji Yeon after Jin’s wishes, then visits her husband’s ‘tombstone.’

At first, I wasn’t ready to rule out some complicated but unlikely scenario of Jin faking his death in order to join Sayid as one of Ben’s agents on the mainland, but in the flashback when Jin is frantically attempting to buy the second panda, the shopkeeper mentions it’s the Year of The Dragon, which can only mean the flashback took place in 2000-01 (other Years of the Dragon would be 1988 or 2012).

Who Does Juliet Think She Is, A Pasty, Pink-Haired Gossip Blogger?

JulietJuliet, afraid for Sun’s life and desperate to keep her in Jack’s camp, finally dropped the A-Bomb on Jin (A stands for ‘Affair,’ or ‘I’m an A-Hole,’ both applicable), turning the former hired killer so blind with rage, he can’t help but go fishing with Bernard. Later, a surprisingly understanding Jin gives Sun an obvious make-up sex offer, and Sun swears to her husband that the baby (conceived on the island, as Juliet discovered), is his.

Why, then, did I interpret Sun’s startled reaction to Hurley’s flash-forward comment about how much the baby looks like Jin as a possible indicator that she was lying, and not just as Sun being sad because she’s reminded of how much she misses her dead husband? Because that’s what this show does to your mind, people — you don’t believe anything anyone says or does, especially if it seems obvious. I’m not so sure Sun’s baby wasn’t actually a sack of potatoes with googly eyes glued onto it planted there by Charles Widmore.

Lima Beans? I Don’t Know, Pretty Boring. Oh hey Michael. So anyway, these beans…

MichaelTwenty years to the DAY that we first predicted Michael was Ben’s inside man on the ship, we were proven right, although to be honest, I had damn near convinced myself that it actually was just gonna be Ben with a mustache. Michael — having assumed the identity of former Suns point guard Kevin Johnson — exchanges exteriorly unknowing introductions with Desmond and Sayid, which I assumed was just the three of them silently acknowledging the situation until a friend of mine suggested “maybe Michael’s going through the time warp too and really did forget Sayid and Desmond,” to which I responded, “Shut up, stop doing this to me.” I’m eagerly anticipating Michael’s “I did what I had to do” explanation of his treachery next week; the over-under for the number of times he says “son” is 863.

I Was Really, Really Hoping It Would Be Captain Ron Somehow

Captain RonWe also got to meet the ship’s captain this week (did not turn out to be Ana Lucia) who entered the show by ordering his crew not to save a woman jumping over the side of the boat while suffering from an island-enhanced case of suicidal cabin fever. Despite a note in first-grader’s handwriting warning Sayid and Desmond not to trust him, The Captain appeared to be very up front with information, admitting that the boat was sent by Widmore and confirming that Ben was the one who staged the 815 wreckage and planted the bodies in the sunken cabin. I’m always amused when even the characters themselves have trouble believing the show’s plot, like when The Captain surmised, “Just imagine the amount of resources it would take to plant this many dead bodies inside a fake plane underwater! It’s just really, really implausible, isn’t it?”

Since U Ben Gone

Even though Ben didn’t appear in this episode (week off for Locke’s entire clan too), he was there in spirit; with the mounting evidence of Ben’s financial and magical omnipotence, I think we can at this point safely conclude that Ben made the plane crash on purpose. Not sure completely how or why he did it, but it would explain his lack of surprise when Juliet told him about Jack being a spinal surgeon in last week’s flashback as well as his calmness while doling out immediate, military-drill instructions the second the plane went down. Maybe he just has a huge stash of dead bodies in his basement and just whipped a bunch at the plane to knock it out of the sky, then planted some more inside the cabin? (Spoiler Alert!)

Next Week On Lost, SOMEONE. WILL. DIE.

Jin smileyVegas Odds On Who It’ll Be:

Penelope: 9-1
Frank: 8-1
Jin: 11-1
Claire: 15-1
Michael: 7-1
Another Random Person On The Ship: 2-1
Charlie Again: 20-1
Teaser Is Full Of Crap: 1-5,000

That’s all I got — As always, keep the conspiracy theory party going in the comments!

(Not to be confused with a party where everyone dresses up as their favorite character from “Conspiracy Theory.”)

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