Meet Vladimir Putin’s Future Wife, “Russia’s Most Flashed Crotch”

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Haven’t you heard? Russian Federation President Vladimir Putin is getting married! No, no, not to that boring first wife he has two grown children with — he secretly divorced her months ago. No, Putin is getting re-married. To Alina Kabaeva, a 25-year-old former gymnast whom Prez Put coincidentally made a part of Russian Parliament a little while ago. And according to these pictures, he’s definitely marrying her for her brains…

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…which are clearly visible through her vagina. And she’s probably marrying him for his looks…

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…and ability to survive in the woods. Hey, you know what they say: Teach a man to fish, and he’ll f**k the world’s most flexible young lady.

If the reports are true, Putin has in fact been dating this woman since the year 2000, when she was only 17. Which means only one thing: It’s true love!! Who says free will doesn’t exist in modern Russia?