LOST RECAP: Just Like Heaven

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This is a recap of Lost episode “Something Nice Back Home,” airing May 1, 2008. If you haven’t seen it yet and you keep reading, well, you’re just spoilerchistic.

WERE JACK AND KATE HAVING SEX? I COULDN’T TELL.

Jack n KateSo in the future (possibly around the 2007 Yankees’ three-game sweep of the Red Sox, postulates EW), Jack is boning Kate and reading meaningful, Lost-relevant passages of “Alice In Wonderland” to Aaron, who he has finally learned is technically his half-nephew. How do we know Jack and Kate were sleeping together? Because Jack is naked when he gets out of bed, and Kate’s underwear is on the floor, and there are two glasses of red wine in the kitchen, and there’s a three-minute silent camera shot of a huge pile of used condoms and KY jelly before the opening titler.

Anyway… In mid-episode, Jack visits an institutionally-confined Hurley who forces us to re-examine the “Island / Purgatory” theory (first proposed by everyone thirty seconds into the Season One pilot episode) when he notes that Jack getting off the island and living with Kate and starting a family “sounds like Heaven.” Hurley’s tone and his own mental instability proposes the caveat that Jack’s happiness is false and/or won’t last, and sure enough, Jack starts seeing visions of his refusing-to-play-catch-with-him Dad and ultimately collapses under jealous suspicion of a secret promise Kate made on the island with Sawyer.

Jack w no scarAt the beginning of the episode, Kate buys Jack a razor, possibly marking the polar (not bear) opposite of Jack’s eventual mental breakdown in the Season Three finale, when he’s grown a huge, unruly beard. If we’re to believe that last night’s episode takes place before the Season Three finale, then something must happen to make Jack realize that leaving the island was a mistake — Does he come to realize that everything he’s experiencing off the island is false and they’re actually just seeing visions of a potential future (or “dead,” as Hurley put it)? How come Jack doesn’t have a huge appendectomy scar on his prominently-featured chest in the flash-forward (pic left)?

Perhaps peoples’ inability to kill themselves is reflective of each person being, in some way, someone else’s constant. Does that mean everyone’s gonna start jumping around in time? Or have they already, hence the flash-forwards? It’s just like “Alice In Wonderland!” Maybe in the next episode, Jack and Aaron will watch that episode of Next Generation when Riker keeps jumping through times and realities? (You heard it here first).

GOOD THING WE ALL LEARNED SURGERY IN MORSE CODE SCHOOL

Jack SickMeanwhile, on the present island, Jack had to undergo an appendectomy, an odd turn of events considering, as Rose mentioned, the island cured her cancer and gave Locke the ability to walk and made that one dude from Ben’s flashback impervious to aging. Did Jack do something to piss off the island? Perhaps his stubbornness with the Other Others and inability to admit wrong has imbalanced his personal karma or whatever, not unlike what happened to Ecko with the smoke monster?

It’s a good thing Juliet is a nurse and Bernard is an anesthesiologist and Daniel knows medical instruments and for the eff of it, Charlotte knows Korean (though the Korean thing allowed Jin to be a badass for the first time in waaaaay too long).

Here are some other skills the island members have: Sawyer can draw a perfect circle on a blackboard. Sayid can juggle seven torches. Sun can solve two Rubix cubes simultaneously behind her back. Locke can fly.

IF THIS EPISODE WERE A BRAND OF ROOT BEER, IT WOULD BE “DAD’S”

Claire staresLots of visions going on — Jack sees his dad in the future, Claire sees him on the island and wanders off horror-movie style, Hurley continues to see Charlie in the future (his form of Heaven, before insanity?), and it appears Locke is going to have similar visions according to the “Next week on Lost” sneak peek. I’m glad the islanders have all these cryptic relatives to be in their visions; if I saw my dad on the island, we’d probably just talk about the NHL playoffs for a few minutes then he’d ask me if I saw “that George Clooney Leatherface movie” and I’d say no and he’d say “it was pretty stupid.” Then an extremely bored smoke monster would kill us both.

NEXT WEEK ON LOST… OR SHOULD I SAY… LOCKE-ST?

Locke-st- I thought this week would be a Claire episode but was wrong, and next week looks like it’ll be a Locke week, so maybe they’re saving Claire for a role in the big, climactic season finale? We still need to find out why Aaron ends up with Kate, and I’m guessing Claire didn’t consciously choose to give him up while she was still alive. Maybe in the finale, Kate just forgets that Claire is a regular character and goes, “where’d this baby come from?” and that’s that.

- Turns out, even Juliet knew that the kiss between her and Jack was, as we all suspected, fake as sh*t.

- How many more episodes does Sgt. Jeter live? Does he take anyone down with him? I have a feeling Frank’s gonna die, and maybe fifteen, sixteen more extras, but I’m betting on the boat people and the islanders over the random army dudes — I’m saying most of the soldiers are dead, including the leader, by the end of this season’s finale, and Ben will lead the league in soldier-killing.

- Episodes in which Ben is prominently featured > Episodes in which Ben does not appear.

- Give us a Widmore flashback episode, for the love of God. If we find out that the whole show was a vision of Widmore and Ben’s, or that Widmore and Ben are Satan and God battling over souls in purgatory, or something else ridiculous where Widmore is a really huge part of it, then have Charles Widmore in your damn show.

That’s all. Toss your thoughts, predictions, observations, and other hidden skills you may have in the comments, as always.