My days working in finance have taught me that, of all the economic metrics and indices out there, there is really only one true indicator of the state of the economy: E-bay. And right now, E-bay is telling me that oil prices are high, the mortgage industry has imploded, and that unemployment is on the rise. Because let me tell you – people are trying to sell anything and everything just to stay afloat.
HEFTY TRASH BAG
What’s so amazing is not the fact that someone is trying to put a trash bag up for auction on e-bay, but the salesmanship that this seller has. Here is the EXACT language of the description:
1 BRAND NEW HEFTY TRASH BAG! YOU CAN HAVE THIS BAG IF YOU ARE THE HIGHEST BIDDER!
THIS BAG IS SO COOL!! IT IS ULTRA FLEX! IT IS 20% THICKER!! IT HAS A BLUE DRAWSTRING!!
IT IS ALSO A 30 GALLON BAG!! THAT IS A BIG BAG!! IT CAN HOLD ALOT OF TRASH. EVERYONE SAYS THAT ONE MAN’S TRASH IS ANOTHER MANS TREASURE!! I WONDER… WHAT KIND OF TRASH CAN BE PUT IN THIS BAG???
ALL KINDS OF TRASH…THIS HEFTY TRASH BAG IS THE BEST!!
The best is the disclaimer the seller also puts: “THE BOX IS NOT INCLUDED, JUST THE BAG!” That really is important information to have when setting your highest bid.
FATHER’S DAY LEFT OVER SAUSAGES
I kid you not, the tag line on this item is “these looked like fingers so no one would eat them.” I understand the novelty factor here. I’ve been known to bid on pieces of toast that look like Ziggy. But these are just…disgusting. Nevertheless, if you’re interested in buying items that very well could be actual human remains, then don’t be concerned: this seller promises, for $20, to ship the items frozen. Bidding starts at 99 cents.
Tragically, this auction is now over…but it’s no less telling. This woman auctioned off a conversation with her:
Winner of this auction will receive a personal phone call from myself. That is exactly what you are going to get….. A conversation. Do you need to get something off of your chest? Need to tell someone something that you can’t tell anyone close to you?
*This conversation will not be sexual in nature nor a virtual relationship.
How much did the non-sexual conversation go for? $6.50.
See the rest, after the jump!
Yes, that is actually the title of the auction. Now, I know what you’re thinking: how does this person intend on sending the winner what is clearly a Dunkin Donuts iced coffee drink? Well, that’s what the description section is for, silly!
Does this Not look Good to you as you sit here on ebay looking around to find something you won’t to buy Well here know you can buy your self a cup of Good Looking coffee. I won’t to get lots of watchers and Good Bidders on this Nice cup of coffee. As I am sure most of you know we dont mail you a cup of coffee but I am going to send you something in your paypal account.
Something? What sort of “something” will be sent to my paypal account that would resemble an iced coffee? I give you money, and then you give me money in return?
I can’t say where the money will be used From this nice cup of coffee you can have it your way hot or cold But please know all the profit goes to the work of the Lord.
OH OKAY! THAT MAKES TOTAL SENSE! I’M IN!
This one is short and sweet:
If you win, I will personally call you and give you my opinion. My opinion on what? That’s a secret between me and the winner of this auction!
A SECRET OPINION! Oh please let it be your opinion on the the role of the love motif in defining the public and private identities of gender images in medieval French wall-hangings! PLEASE!
Finally, this one’s not so much an indicator of economics as it is AMAZING:
The description says it all:
The time has come…
It shall be yours…
The one, the only…..
The Hot Dog with Meat
Opening bid is just $9.99!!!!