Not sure if any of you caught last night’s supremely tense “Top Chef” Season 4 Reunion show, but I’m gonna write about it anyway, cause the next “Lost” is 98 years away and I am Jonesin’ for some recap-writin’.
BEST QUOTE: “I have a feeling that Lisa, you might not win this one” — Tom Colicchio, right before the show was set to announce which contestant had been voted “Fan Favorite”.
OTHER BEST QUOTE: “People always blame things on my ADD, which I don’t understand, I haven’t played Advanced Dungeons & Dragons in years.” — Andrew, making a joke I had to rewind on the DVR to make sure I wasn’t just imagining things.
PRODUCT SHOT TO TIDE US OVER ALL THE WAY UNTIL NEXT SEASON: An outtake of the contestants in the waiting room mummifying Andrew in plastic wrap and declaring “It’s GLAD Wrap Man!!!”
MOST DISAPPOINTING MONTAGE: The compilation of all the chefs swearing should have been cut down to only the chefs swearing, out of context, and should have been like nine minutes long instead of two. You could’ve had the viral video of the year with that one, Bravo. Possibly even the Song of the Summer too.
MISSED OPPORTUNITY: The “Culinary Boner” line inspiring the t-shirt wasn’t a surprise, but I personally would’ve gone with either “I’ll take the shot, bro” [with a picture of a scallop inside an ice cube], “Here you go, guys” with a picture of two clearly-marked appliance boxes, or “You won the bronze medal, big f***in’ deal” with Max Silvestri’s huge flaming picture of Lisa.
SILENCE OF THE LAMBS: How ’bout Stephanie running the table with the Top Chef title and the Fan Favorite Award? Maybe she can win “Shear Genius” too?
TIME FLIES: I can’t believe how many contestants spoke where I was like, “I swear I never remember seeing that person ever.” Was this season really like 35 weeks long? So many memories, so much butternut squash soup…
Anyone else want to throw any final Top Chef observations into the comments? Any grievances? Alternate t-shirt slogans? Remember, after today, it’s a full summer of Patriotic Gay Barbecue!