Johnny Depp is set to play The Mad Hatter in a Tim Burton recreation of Alice In Wonderland, which would be the pair’s seventh collaboration. After Sleepy Hollow (let’s not even mention Charlie & The Chocolate Factory), the Depp-Burton thing was starting to feel old to me. I would get so excited for the film, and then have my hopes for brilliance dashed, each time feeling like it was just more of the same. So now, with this news, I think it’s time for us all to accept the fact that this co-dependent duo will continue remaking the classic stories of our youth. So in the spirit of surrendering, here are 7 classic children’s tales that I think Johnny Depp and Tim Burton should turn into dark, twisted, pale films.
THE BRAVE LITTLE TOASTER. A live action version of this would be awesome. The sad undertones of this story are perfect for a Tim Burton re-imagining. I’m not sure what part Johnny would play – Toaster? Lampy? Kirby?
MRS. PIGGLE-WIGGLE. I’m dead serious about this one. Did anyone else read these books? They would make great movies. Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle had a magical chest filled with cures for children’s bad habits. The cures were always clever in that they would give the misbehaving child a taste of their own medicine, per se. And as we know from Ed Wood and Before Night Falls, Johnny Depp could play Mrs. Piggle Wiggle, easily.
THE SECRET OF N.I.M.H. It’s sad. It’s creepy. Johnny Depp would make a great rat. Helena Bonham Carter can play Mrs. Brisby! What more can you ask for?
WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE. Yes, nerds, I know. Spike Jonze is already making this. But that’s never stopped Tim and Johnny before. Just wait 10 years and redo it the exact same way, but with bluer lighting.
THE RUNAWAY BUNNY. Johnny Depp will play the runaway bunny, Helena Bonham Carter will play the mother, an alcoholic rabbit-brothel-owner who refuses to let her child run away.
A LIGHT IN THE ATTIC. I’m sure Tim Burton and Johnny Depp can figure out a way to turn this Shel Silverstein collection of classic children’s poems into a film, or – dare I dream? – a musical. Worried it’s not dark enough? Read the poem Little Abigail and the Beautiful Pony.
TEEN WOLF. They could totally take it in the direction of Jack Nicholson’s Wolf. And if you think about it, Teen Wolf is very similar in many ways to Edward Scissorhands – if given the proper amount of darkness.