SYTYCD Results: NEVER NEVER Book This Woman Again

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SYTYCD818.jpgIf you want an idea of what I looked like during last night’s results episode of So You Think You Can Dance, take a look at this picture, because let me tell you, I didn’t want to watch. They tried to make me feel better by sending out an adorable six-year-old boy to break dance, but nothing was going to change the fact that two amazing dancers were going to get the boot!

And it goes without saying that I started crying almost instantly upon seeing the caption for the first dance - “The Rose” by Bette Midler. Oh no. It’s pretty much impossible to not dance beautifully to this song, though it felt that some of the couples weren’t together with the rest, unless that was part of the choreography.

SYTYCD802.jpgCat Deeley is wearing a blue dress, and stands in front of a fan that is still going from the opening number. Just at this moment, she totally looks like Madonna from the “Ray Of Light” video. After her hair calms down, Cat mentions that the opening dance was choreographed by Mandy Moore, who, among others from SYTYCD, has been nominated for an Emmy for her memorable “Sweet Dreams” routine on the show last season. I wish they’d let the dancers perform on the Emmy’s. I’ll look into it and make that happen, pronto.

Cat also announced that the more significant vote, of the presidential variety, just got an injection of new voters: after last week’s announcement about DeclareYourself.com, the site reported that registrations increased by 400%! I’m not sure which candidate this benefits; I guess it depends on where the nominees stand when it comes to Hot Tamale Train policy.

SYTYCD803.jpgBefore we move into any results, the judges have an opportunity to talk to the final six. Nigel states that even with the adulation they have received while competing on this show, they will have to prepare themselves for a lot of rejection, and that they cannot let it consume them. EACH of the six finalists received at least one million votes – and that is something that nobody can take away from them. NOBODY. Mary told them that they were each beautiful, dignified, classy, and strong. She has seen them all grow so much on the show, and that they all deserve it. Mary gets choked up at this point, saying that she loves them all to pieces. Adam says that they are all such beautiful, kind, genuinely good people, and that they are famous now with fans that love them – so be kind to them and show them the same respect that they have for you. In other words, don’t turn into a snotty b*tch like Mia Michaels.

SYTYCD809.jpgTonight, all six dancers will perform solos. Courtney is first, and her dance is truly beautiful. She always brings such passion to her solos. Mark dances to “Wind It Up” by Gwen Stefani, and does some cool moves with his suspenders. Katee, honestly, I’m agreeing with a lot of you guys – her solos are totally boring me now, even though I love her when she’s choreographed. Joshua’s dance begins in a chair and ends with a genius splits that go up and down as if he’s playing his own body as an upright bass. After his dance, he reveals that he got his braces off! I wonder if it was actually time for them to come off, or if his newfound fame enabled him to ditch the braces and go with Invisilign or something. Chelsea’s solo was a HOT MESS…she looked like she was dancing drunkenly in a honky tonk. Finally, Twitch did a fun and smooth dance to Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.”

SYTYCD812.jpgFor the guest dance performance, a tiny child came out on stage and did some breakdancing, and it was pretty adorable. I couldn’t decipher his name, however, and it sounded a little like “Little D-Meth” or “Little Demon” – neither of which I hope are correct. This kid is six years old – he can dance, and he can read (he delivers a line off the teleprompter)! Cat picks him up afterwards, and for a minute there I think she’s going to either eat him or make out with him. Awwwwwkward!

SYTYCD815.jpgAnd now, for the results. The girls are up first. Cat announces the person she is about to call didn’t necessarily garner the most votes, but is safe for the finale. And, it’s Katee! I don’t think anyone is surprised with that result. Now for the guys. Joshua is safe!

SIDE NOTE: During one of the montages, I noticed something from last night’s episode that I didn’t notice before. A girl in the audience looks like she just took a bath in some Bain de Soleil Streakguarde Self Tanning Creme.

SYTYCD821.jpgBefore we find out who is going home, we are subjected to a bizarre, nauseating performance by some woman named Lady Gaga. I have actually heard the song, “Just Dance,” but had no idea, until tonight, that a tranny robot from Captain EO sang it. When she begins, she is wearing some goggles that project the phrase “MUSIC. WILL. NEVER. BE. LOW. BROW.” Ummm…what? Isn’t what you’re wearing the very definition of low brow? Or is this a performance art piece that is so high brow that my idiot brain cannot process it?

SYTYCD819.jpgAlso, can we discuss for a minute the INSANELY HIGH-CUT LEOTARD she is wearing? She totally reminds me of Body Flex! Please don’t tell me that sh*t is coming back into style. First it was vests. Now this? Anyway, she has 57 backup dancers, one of which Cat informs us is a former contestant on the show. I don’t mean to keep going on about this, but it was ridiculous. At one point, someone hands her a stick with some glowing crystal on the end of it, which she then holds up to her new, weird sunglasses, and just holds it there. WHY? Only Satan knows. Okay, I’ll stop now.

SYTYCD822.jpgSO! The final results. The girl joining Katee in the finale is…………….COURTNEY! I’m satisifed with this, even though, as I’ve mentioned, everyone is great at this point. I think Courtney brings the most emotion to her dancing. This means Chelsea is done and when they cut back to her after the montage, she is crying, which of course, in turn, makes me cry. So now it’s down to Mark and Twitch, and the contestant moving on is……….TWITCH!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Mark is out.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????????????????????????????????????????

The song playing during his montage is killing me…does anyone know what it is? It’s probably by Nickelback or some stupid sh*t like that, but I love it. Needless to say, I’m very sad that Mark is gone. He described the experience as summer dance camp and said he is so grateful, and so appreciative that so many people supported him, even though he’s so different.

Sigh.

Onwards.

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