Britney, light of our lives, fire of our loins! How do we love thee? Let us count the ways:
1. Your “One More Time” schoolgirl outfit. (Hands up, who rubbed one out to that?)
2. “Oops, I Did It Again.” The song that launched a thousand lazy Life & Style headlines.
3. Your 55-hour marriage to Jason Alexander, who later sold his story of shower-stall rutting to the tabs.
4. Swapping spit with Madonna at the MTV VMAs. (Our little skeez is all grown up now!)
5. Your reality show Britney & Kevin: Chaotic. Like I Love Lucy on Rohypnol.
6. F*cking Fred Durst. A mental picture that could make even grown men go “Ewwww!”
7. Driving with baby Sean Preston on your lap. Celebrities…they’re just like us!
8. Your impromptu tribute to Sinéad O’Connor.
9. Your VMAs comeback “performance.” (Still better than Bon Jovi.)
10. Your meth-fueled trips to Cedars-Sinai.
11. Dating one of the paparazzi who follow you around everyday. (And have a way of tying up our commute to the Scandalist office.)
12. The Blackout album. A lot better than most people think…[That's enough Britney Spears –Ed.] — Charles Bottomley
After the jump, watch Britney sleepwalk through her VMAs “comeback.”