The Jonas Brothers Are Virginal Douchebags

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Perez Hilton recently revealed that tween stars Selena Gomez and Nick Jonas both gave details of their first date to different mags (without mentioning the other’s name), essentially outing their secret relationship. Their accounts are as follows:

  • Selena: “I had dinner on the beach with a crush and there were lights on the palm trees! Then, went walking on the beach, and after that we slow danced. Wait, it gets better. While we were slow dancing…my crush and I had our first kiss! And after it, I leaned back and I said, ‘You cheated.’ And he said, ‘Why’ and I said, ‘I don’t kiss on the first date.’ Then he said, ‘Well, I never really play by the rules.’ I was waiting for a a director to say, ‘Cut’ I was like, ‘Are we shooting this right now?”
  • Nick: “On one date, the girl said to me, ‘I don’t kiss on the first date.’ So I said, ‘I don’t follow the rules.’” The brothers high-five to that one. “Ooooh! It was so good!”

Nauseating, yes – especially for fifteen year olds. Do you think they know the romance dies by the time you turn 17? Regardless, that mushiness is not the part that made our stomach crawl – this is: “The brothers high-five to that one.” Really, Jonas brahs? You guys clinked purity rings to that? You can’t hide behind those innocent faces and gentle curls – you’ve outed yourselves as G-rated douchebags (PS – your career will all be over when your fans turn 13 and get depressed and start listening to emo. Cherish this while it lasts!) .

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