Apparently, the TV execs over at G4 don’t have normal gag reflexes. In fact, they were probably the kids who would swirl around playground puke with a stick — for fun. Thanks to them, there’s Hurl!, a new show that gives prizes to people who vomit.
According to the G4 website, Hurl! is “inspired by the outrageousness found on the viral web.” Contestants are subjected to physical challenges after eating copious amounts of food like mac n’ cheese. What G4 overlooked is the fact that 100% of vomit-related outrageousness that’s popular on the web has to do with these two girls and this one cup they share, and we doubt there are any sickos out there wanting to masturbate to some basement-dwelling, 24-year-old dude spewing nine bologna sandwiches. But these people will be paid a cool sum of money for the physical discomfort and public humiliation they’re about to endure, right? Friends, top prize on Hurl Exclamation Point is $1000. TOP prize.
The Food Network is also getting in on the amateur-Kobayashi act, with The Hollywood Reporter noting today that a new show, tentatively called Eat The Clock, will join the illustrious list of poorly named shows on the network’s roster (see also: How’d That Get On My Plate?). The PR-spun premise involves “two teams of contestants [that] rush to various Los Angeles eateries and gorge themselves in face-stuffing challenges.” Translation: Contestants will drive as fast as they can to In-N-Out Burger, eat 20 Double-Doubles, and then take the biggest shit of their lives, most of which will be expelled in the form of dignity. No word on what the prize situation is, but we hope the network is kinder to its contestants than Hurl!
The whole thing is reminiscent of the gluttony guy in Seven (spoiler alert!) who was forced to eat spaghetti until he died. These networks will not rest, it seems, until Gwyneth’s head is in a box. The saddest part? We’re totally going to watch.