While all the contestants on the next season of Dancing With The Stars should be proud of their artistic and athletic accomplishments (except for Kim Kardashian), you’d be forgiven for not immediately recognizing their names (except for Kim Kardashian). Here’s a quick run-down of the “stars” stepping up this fall, and where you may have seen them before.
Lance Bass – The gay dude from N’Sync who trained to be a cosmonaut. Starred in the 2001 non-classic On The Line with fellow not-Timberlake (and Dancing With The Stars 2nd place winner) Joey Fatone.
Toni Braxton – ’90s multiplatinum R&B singer who doesn’t seem to realize that the more skin she shows on an album cover, the worse it does. Replaced Wayne Newton in Vegas for a couple years.
Brooke Burke - Former Wild On! host. Stood next to Dave Navarro on Rock Star:INXS and Rock Star: Supernova.
Rocco DiSpirito - Celebrity chef. Evidently didn’t lose enough dignity while starring on The Restaurant.
Maurice Greene – Gold medal sprinter from the 2000 and 2004 Olympics. Holds the 60 meter indoor record. Accused of buying performance-enhancing drugs earlier this year, so expect some pep!
Kim Kardashian – Renaissance woman.
Cloris Leachman – 82-year-old Oscar-winning actress and comedienne. Mel Brooks was afraid to let her reprise the role of Frau Blucher in the stage adaptation of Young Frankenstein. His loss. She’s awesome.
Cody Linley – Hannah Montan dreamboat. At 18, the youngest contestant on the show yet.
Susan Lucci – Has played Erica Kane on almost 10,000 episodes of All My Children. Seriously. 10,000.
Misty May-Treanor – Just won a gold medal for volleyball at this year’s Olympics. Her team partner, Kerri Walsh, must either be a crappy dancer or have something better to do.
Ted McGinley – Marcy’s second husband on Married With Children and Faith’s husband on Hope & Faith. Ted was the head jock in the first Revenge Of The Nerds, who became a nerd at the end of Revenge Of The Nerds III: The Next Generation. But you already knew that.
Jeffrey Ross – Stand-up comedian that is required by law to appear at every celebrity roast.
Warren Sapp – Recently retired NFL tackle that used to get into trouble for yelling. Just got hired by Inside NFL, too.
So who’s a better dancer, Erica Kane or Frau Blucher? The answer’s coming soon!
[Photos: Getty Images/FilmMagic]