The 30 Porniest American Apparel Ads

|

30. It Fits

“It” = A penis? The clothing? A clothed penis? A penis?

29. Leotard

Truly an outfit for any occasion, from ‘casual’ to ‘getting nailed in mid-figure skating routine.’

28. Panties Door

All hot chicks pose topless in front of a door for forty-five minutes every morning.

27. Pre Party

Not too interested in the “Post-Party” picture.

26. Swimming

Blah blee bla ba doo flotation devices, am I right guys??

25. Tank Thong

Sepia-toned to give it that classic, olde tyme feel of a barely-covered ass.

24. Apres Ski

Gene Shalit’s doing pretty well for himself.

23. Purple Ass

There’s “skin-tight,” and then there’s “an ass”.

22. Summer's Coming

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I get it. Summer. Nice one.

21. Bottomless Italian

Bottomless Italian here, if anyone wants a free Olive Garden joke?

20. Hello

‘Sup.

19. Loves Her Socks

Really though, this one’s no more than like 10, 15% actual, literal pictures of sex.

18. Meet Memo

FYI, ‘Memo’ isn’t his name… Laaaaaaaaaadies?

17. Tap Panty

“Tap” as in, “tap that ass,” or, like, Gregory Hines? I assume the latter?

16. Stirrup Socks

They’ve got that crucial “European football streaker who’s actually hot” market cornered.

15. Colored Tights

Add Mickey Mouse and Pluto and you’ve got one kick-ass flipbook.

14. Bottoms and Tops

The dude with no bottoms is embarrassing himself significantly less than the guy in the pink tank top.

13. Bent Over

Is she wearing leggings or does she just have a blurry crack?

12. Three Pack

I have an idea for our new “Three-pack” ad campaign. Ready? Bear with me now — Three c*cks. [STANDING OVATION]

11. Hiking

This is what hiking is.

10. Vegas Legging

What happens in Vegas, boobs in boobs boobs.

9. Only Thong

Wait, this is actually a Dr. Pepper ad. My mistake.

8. Todos los Colores

Y mucha inspiración por los molestores.

7. Tight

WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK

6. Reaching Into Pants

Thaaaaaat’s not where a wallet is!!!!!!!

5. Legs Spread

This chick’s clearly ready for some hardcore Love Actually watchin’.

4. Coming To Japan

…to get butt-f***ed?

3. Areolas

Hey, instead of not showing her nipples, what if — and stop me if I’m getting too crazy here — we don’t not show her nipples?

2. Tongue

It almost looks like she’s getting ready to give… something… to… someone else’s… genitals… with her mouth… in repeated motions, ending in orgasm… as is a common form of non-penetrative… intercourse…

1. Spread On Bed

AMERICAN APPAREL EQUALS VAGINA. ‘Nuff said. Nahhh, I can say vagina one more time. There.