On Saturday, Danny Bonaduce will enter the ring to “defend his honor” against stand-up comedian/Howard Stern cohort the Reverend Bob Levy. Their rivalry stems from an incident-turned-viral video from earlier this year, in which Levy interrupted a Bonaduce interview to bitch slap him.
Danny is, in short, on the warpath as you’ll see in the narrative below, culled from an interview we recently conducted with the child-star-turned-VH1 staple. It’s filled with trash-talking gems like, “I am going to ruin his career and his facial construction,” and, “When I hit him in the face as hard as I can, my eyes are going to light up like a 6-year-old’s on Christmas morning.” While we’re pretty sure he’s 100 percent serious, Bonaduce obviously couldn’t stop entertaining if he wanted to. His words follow after the jump.
“I believe the slap was a publicity stunt on this part. He just walked into a room, I was completely polite to him and he did it for no reason. I guess he thought, because I was being interviewed, it would make him famous. And then, when it didn’t, I took offense. When I hit Donny Osmond, it made me famous. When I hit the transvestite, it made me famous. Is my face not worth as much as an Osmond or a transvestite? So I made this important. He thinks he brought this fight down by slapping me, but nobody cared. That hurt my feelings, so I started talking about it and then people cared. Plus, this is the only way I could beat his brains out and not go to jail. He’s nobody. He’s the third wheel on a Sunday night show for two hours. And by the way, Howard Stern, his employer, bet $1,000 on me.
This guy does stand-up comedy, and it’s a very hard-drinking, hard-smoking, hard-living comedy act. Do you know what’s going to happen to his act after the guy from The Partridge Family who he outweighs by 50 lbs., kicks his ass? He’s going to get heckled for the next two years. They’re just gonna boo and laugh when he comes onstage. And, as a matter of fact, if they don’t, I will pay people to do so. I am going to ruin his career and his facial construction.
I wish we could get rid of the headgear and lower the gloves to 10 ounces so that I could cut him to ribbons and knock him out. If this were a street fight, it would be in his best interest if somebody stopped it before he was dead. Street fights could go deadly, and if they’re gonna, I’d like to be the one still around to explain it. It sounds savage, but it’s just self-preservation: at 5’6″ I’m fighting until they stop moving. Once they stop moving, I’m done.
He says he’s going to beat me in two rounds, but that shows what he knows about fighting. He’s 215 lbs. I’m 165, 170. Why two rounds? Why not 30 seconds? What am I doing still standing up after 15 seconds? If I’m still standing after 15 seconds, it’s because he couldn’t crush me. Then, I will tattoo him for all three rounds. And if I can knock him out, I will. I would say that 50 percent of the people that I fought got so sick of being repeatedly hit in the face from me that they just waited for a decent shot and lay down, let the ref count to 10. He’ll run out of air because he’s fat and he’s drunk and he’s stupid.
Nothing can train you for your first fight. Your trainer can hit you and hurt you, but then he has to stop because you can’t be injured because you have to fight. When I hit him in the face as hard as I can, my eyes are going to light up like a 6-year-old’s on Christmas morning. You can’t train for that moment. You can’t train for somebody who’s coming to kill you now. You can’t train for someone with malice in his heart.
In my heart is a thug and in my wallet is a lot of money. I did my due diligence on this guy and he doesn’t know what he’s done to himself. If this act that he’s putting on now is who he is, I hate him completely. If this is just to sell tickets, and afterwards backstage he says, ‘Great fight man, wanna go get something to drink?’ I’ll go. But that doesn’t change the fact that I will have destroyed him by winning.”