LOWLIGHTS: How Many Douchey Things Do You See In This Story About Michael Phelps’ Date With A Sunset Tan Girl?

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amber and mike_smaller.jpgYou guys remember that game in Highlights Magazine where you’d have to spot how many things were wrong with a picture? Let’s do that now, except with trying to spot things that are douchey about the following story of Michael Phelps‘ date with one of the girls from Sunset Tan. Sent to us via E!:

You would think with all his time spent in the pool Michael Phelps would have no need for artificial tanning (1), but the Olympic champ did just that in Vegas (2) this past weekend and got more out of it than just a little color.

Sunset Tan worker Amber Peterson tells E! Phelps asked her out (3) to dinner Friday night after she gave him and his friends (4) complimentary airbrush tans (5). “He wore a disposable brief (6) and it reminded me a lot of his trademark Speedo,” said Peterson. She also said the scantily clad Phelps had a tattoo on his right hip (7), a symbol of the Olympic gold rings (8).

Once clothed, the group headed to N9NE Steakhouse (9) in the Palms Hotel and Casino where Peterson says Phelps lived up to his reputation of having a hearty appetite, eating steak, shrimp, lobster, corn, and macaroni (10). [...]

Throughout dinner Peterson said Phelps was the perfect gentleman, even making her feel better after spilling a drink on his lap. “I spilled a Shirley Temple (11) in his lap! He was a great sport about it and didn’t get angry. He just laughed and said, ‘It happens and it will dry!’” (12)

The two discussed Phelps desire to swim again in the next Olympics, his preference of frosted flakes over Wheaties (13) (he’s the new face of frosted flakes), and his excitement for the upcoming MTV VMA’s. “He was excited to be a part of the show and said his tan was going to look good on TV,” (14) said Peterson.

After dinner the two went to Moon nightclub (15) where Peterson said they “danced the night away.” They also exchanged phone numbers and Peterson says they “have exchanged texts” since (16).

See the corresponding commentary to each number, after the jump!

1. Nobody – nobody – has a need for artificial tanning.

2. And yet Phelps got one, in VEGAS nonetheless.

3. Then the man who is arguably the most famous athlete in the world right now and could probably have just about any woman of his choosing asked for a date with some B-lister cable reality show reject who gives people fake tans.

4. Wait, he got an artificial tan WITH HIS FRIENDS.

5. Artificial tan with an airbrush. He let someone airbrush color onto his body. Airbrushes are for making T-shirts to remember your trip to Panama City.

6. What is a “disposable brief”!?!

7. The right hip is where girls are supposed to get secret tattoos of little pink hearts.

8. He got the Olympic rings? Way to not be obvious.

9. The wackier and more illogical the restaurant name, the better the food.

10. That’s the same meal people tend to have at the Ryan’s Steakhouse Saturday Night All-You-Can-Eat Buffet.

11. He went one a date with someone who not only drinks Shirley Temples, but can’t even keep control of them.

12. ‘It happens and it will dry!’” is the all he could come up with lighten the mood after he just got a lap full of Shirley Temple?

13. In a country where the rate of childhood obesity is high and rising, it should be illegal for a professional athlete to say this.

14. He’s thinking critically about how his airbrush tan is going to look on MTV. Awesome.

15. “Moon” sounds like one of those generic one-word-elemental-noun-named nightclub that is actually just a giant electromagnet for douchebags.

16. He’s texting with the Sunset Tan girl even AFTER this clearly calculated paid-sponsor pseudo-date is over!?! Gross.

Tune-in to “Sunset Tan” Sundays nights on E!

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