If you haven’t heard, one of John McCain’s top advisers has stated that the Republican Presidential Candidate “helped create” the BlackBerry. You can expect the liberal media to seize upon these statements as being ridiculous or outright lies, and spend the next several days lampooning the hubris of a campaign that would that would even make such a claim when their candidate freely admits to his inability to understand computers or send emails. But in their haste to ridicule McCain – who was also a WAR HERO, let me remind you – the gay Jewcommie media elite probably didn’t bother to check out the facts (which they could have easily found on Wikipedia). Being the fair and balanced pop culture comedy blog that we are, I’m here to tell you that McCain’s claims are the God’s honest truth.
You see, McCain’s advisor was actually referring to blackberries the fruit, not the ubiquitous mobile telecommunications devices. And John McCain did in fact help “create” the blackberry foodstuff inasmuch as he was one of the first settlers to introduce this fruits delicious pleasures to his fellow white Western colonists. As legend has it, McCain first learned about blackberries from an old Injun trail scout named Bear Runner he met back when he was a POW during the War of 1812. Receiving no food from their captors (who also tortured them), McCain and Bear Runner were forced to forage berries from the shrubs surrounding their wooden prison – which is how he came to taste the Blackberry. Astounded by the fruit’s potential for sweet-but-tangy deliciousness, McCain oversaw it’s mass integration into the American diet and watched it grow in popularity due to its many versatile uses in jams, pies, and Old Timey Sweet Molassey Butter. In addition to their appeal as cooking and baking ingredients, Blackberries are also high in antioxidants, which is one of McCain’s long-kept secrets to his extraordinary longevity.
So while your Al Gores might get away with claiming to have invented the Internet, John McCain is the only candidate who can say he helped create a fruit.