You’ve just been given an eviction notice for not picking up your dog’s shit: how do you argue for a second chance? If you’re Dane Cook, you claim that your success depends on living in—and being inspired by—the space once rented by John Belushi and Steven Martin. You see, if you remove Dane Cook and his shit-spraying pooch from his apartment of the last ten years, his career will crumble.
From his petition (via TMZ):
The extreme hardship I will suffer [if evicted] is not directly financial; it is instead emotional and mental…John Belushi and Steve Martin are former tenants of the premises in which I have lived for the last 10 years; I especially wanted to live in this unit for exactly that reason…after moving into that unit, I felt a creative drive that I have never felt before…I know that the presence of those that have lived there before me affects me deeply and provides me with inspiration.
Comedians can really easily run out of ideas and ‘stories'; I am extremely frightened that this will happen to me if I am forced to move out of my apartment.
I’ve seen it happen to other comics, that something interferes with their connection to their creative muse, and it’s destroyed careers…The emotional and mental suffering I am experiencing now, and will experience if I have to leave, will drastically and negatively affect my life just as much as any financial or physical hardship will do.
In exchange for keeping his apartment, Cook says he will pay $40,000 in damages and totally, totally, totally make sure that someone picks up his dog’s poopie as soon as it hits the ground. Not him, though—he’ll be touring, filming movies, and making enough money that he won’t need to stay in some old apartment he leaves his dog to shit in. Touching poop, oddly, is not how Cook gets his ideas.
For the sake of John Belushi’s ghost (who must be really tired of hearing Cook and smelling the dog), we sincerely hope that Cook’s landlord will stand firm and force the comedian to realize that his obnoxious, derivative shtick comes from within. And if losing the apartment actually destroys his career…we can live with that.
[Photo: Getty Images]