So this is it, guys – Blagg Friday. After almost three years and god knows how many posts about insane YouTube videos, celebrity meltdowns and my own mindless drivel, my tenure at this website is hereby concluded with this one last broadcast. We’ve officially reached the end of the Alex Blagg Guided Tour of the Whole Internet, so I hope you all enjoyed yourselves as much as I did. Anyone who would like a refund can send a self-addressed stamped envelope to the Vh1 Department of Original Programming – you’ll receive your complimentary DVD copy of Celebracadabra: Season 0.25 in 5-10 business days. The rest of you, what say we raise our glasses and toast all the good times we had?
To all the total lunatics, whoever you are, who had the courage to videotape yourself doing something unspeakably idiotic, then upload that video to YouTube for the whole world to laugh at. You’re the oil that keeps this old Internet a’runnin’.
To one-time Ultimate Fighting Champion Quentin “Rampage” Jackson, whose complete lack of understanding of the concept of a “comedy bit” nearly got me killed.
To InTouch Weekly, for being so kind as to somewhat regularly include my half-baked hungover While You Were one-liners in your back pages alongside the likes of Conan, Kimmel and Leno. Especially Leno. I can’t tell you how proud this made my mother.
To all the blogs and the blogging bloggers who blog them, you’ll always have a link…to my heart. (Except for TMZ – you’re seriously the worst.)
To all the nice people who pointed out my various typos and grammatical errors. Your the best.
To Awesomely Funny Top 10 Lists, may I never have to write another one of you for a long time.
To the motherf*cking LaBeouf, for being the beautiful, terrible, adorable, awful, brilliant, complex, and utterly intoxicating being that you are. I hate you so much I love you.
To Dane Cook, for sending me the Greatest MySpace Message of My Life. It would have been even better had comedian Louis CK not already sent me the same message first, and funnier.
To The Hills, for keeping it so real.
To Ellen Page, for not stealing my Webby.
To Ross, for inspiring me to teach everyone how not to kiss.
To the Sexman, may you keep plugging away, little buddy.
To the great beard enthusiasts who have come before me, may your faces stay furry.
To Michael Showalter, who utterly destroyed me in our blog-off.
To People Magazine, whose cover has become an forum for all people – even wizards – to proudly announce their homosexuality to the world.
To Tony Danza, for teaching me to bring your A-game every single day.
To Britney/Lindsay/Paris, good job on finally getting your sh*t relatively together. When I get to LA, I will make it my mission to erect a giant Mount Rushmore-like silicon statue in your honor right outside of Hyde Nightclub.
To Jared Leto, for existing.
To the makers of completely insane television, keep it up.
To The Hoff, for hoffing your hoff hoff.
To Sanjaya, for single-handedly bringing about the end of the American Idol phenomenon.
To Viacom, whose “tough love” style of no-frills corporate parenting ultimately made me a leaner, meaner, angrier blogger. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you, or with benefits.
To everyone at Vh1 and MTVN Digital Programming, keep your grubby hands off Frank Stallone’s veggie tray.
To the Best Week Ever producers, panelists and staff – getting to hang around you guys and maybe, sometimes, in some small way, help make funny television has truly been a dream job.
To Fred Graver, for creating BWE.tv, giving me the honor of being a part of it, and working so hard to make The Man understand that a corporate blog doesn’t have to read like a corporate blog.
To the BWE.tv Staff – I’m proud to have worked alongside all of you, and most of all, proud of what we’ve managed to accomplish.
To Bob Castrone, Piper Weiss, Michelle Collins, Dan Hopper and Sara Schaefer – I’m lucky to have written this thing with such a smart, funny, talented group of people, all of whom I’ve come to hold dear as friends. You are all my True LaBeouf.
And finally, to all of you, dear readers, for whom I have had the privilege of spending each work day with these last few years. Your time, attention, comments (even the bad ones, which to be honest, were always my favorite) and support has been, and continues to be, invaluable to me. Thank you so much.
Phew, that was a long toast. I hope no one was actually drinking to this, because you’d be wasted right now. I’m gonna go ahead and hit “Publish” and get on out of here, so hopefully I’ll be seeing you again soon. My new project at MSN.com is still a few months away from launching, but in the meantime you can all keep up with me at AlexBlagg.com (pretty snazzy, right?).