While You Were Being Forced By South Park To Re-Live That Painful Day

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Mickey Mouse

  • Disney is attempting to expand into the Middle East by releasing their first-ever Arabic language film, in which Mickey and Pluto get paid $3 million apiece to show up to a swanky Dubai nightclub.
  • Britney got into another car accident! More specifically, someone rear-ended her Escalade while she was sitting in the backseat. This means she can even crash cars when she’s not driving them! What a dumb whore!!
  • The Nobel Prize in Chemistry was awarded to Osamu Shimomura, Martin Chalfie, and Roger Y. Tsien, and I am getting slaughtered in my pool this year. I knew Cate Blanchett wasn’t gonna win, but I still had to pick her…
  • Michelle Obama prefers watching Dick Van Dyke to her husband’s debates, mostly because Dick’s solutions to fix the economy are a lot more specific and committal. (Move over, Mark Russell!)
  • ABC Family is turning the film Ten Things I Hate About You into a tv series, hoping to capture the “Weirdly Obsessed Couple Girls From My Freshman Dorm Room Years Ago” demographic. No word on whether or not a Princess Bride series is to follow.
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