In case two or three of you were wondering where I was last week, I traveled with a friend of mine to the country of Lebanon to see a part of the world I’ve never seen before and to practice fielding questions about how I choose my vacations. Rather than bore you with the details of my trip and how it made me so damn worldly I now only listen to World music, I’ve compiled a list of the only aspect of the vacation that anyone really cares about — pictures of random English signs that made me laugh. Enjoy!
1. Flame Burger Snack
Three solid English words that sound vaguely delicious together. Apparently the “Snack” is a pizza and a hookah.
2. Moustache Parking
This belongs on a t-shirt at the Jersey Shore with a silhouette of a woman sitting down.
3. Flying Pizza
The only thing more evocative than their name is their sweet-ass logo.
4. Terry Bradshaw With A Cigar
This cigar shop is literally 50 feet from customs check-in at the airport, ensuring that the first thing any traveler sees when they come to the picturesque country of Lebanon — an area rife with 6000 years of history and culture — is Terry Bradshaw holding a cigar.
5. Illegal Jeans
A counterfeit jeans ring operating out of my car-hole!
6. Car Falling
This sign was located on a winding road on the edge of a an extremely high mountain. There wasn’t any water at the bottom either, but it gets the point across. It actually kind of makes driving off the mountain look like fun.
7. Roadside Diner: There Goes My Heart
My favorite sign on the trip. Whoever came up with the slogan for this 50s-themed burger and milkshakes joint is either not a non-native English speaker or just really unapologetically honest.
BONUS: We weren’t allowed to take a picture of it, but in the entryway of the 12th century Crusader Castle in the ancient town of Byblos, someone had scratched the words “PEARL JAM” into one of the stones of the archway. I couldn’t believe someone beat me to it.