SEE ALSO: The 50 Creepiest Baby Halloween Costumes
It’s that time. You’ve got your Spooky Sounds cassette tape crankin in your broom box and a walkie talkie behind the scare crow so you can traumatize local Trick or Treaters. You just finished your giant bowl of Frankenberry and your “boo” (yes, boo) is blowin’ your phone up to go to all those Halloween parties. Before you grab or plan your costume, take a look at these costumes and, for the love of God, avoid wearing them at all costs. — Josh Lay
10. Pacman and Ghost. First and foremost, it’s a lot of work for little pay off. But more importantly, your motor skills will be taken over by cardboard and PVC pipes. No one wants to be around the couple that can’t move without knocking into something or someone because they forgot to cut the Pacman eyes big enough. Simple things like shaking hands, eating and going to the bathroom will be come feats that you might not overcome in a giant plastered suit. Don’t wear it.
9. Screw and Bolts/Plug and Socket/Key and Lock (Or Any Other Combination Of This Kind). If I need to tell you why to not wear this with your significant other, a top 10 list is the least of your worries.
8. Adam and Eve. The Ultimate Couple. Adam and Eve. Responsible for the fall of man, and coincidently, the fall of Halloween costumes. Adam and Eve didn’t have the option of clothes. But you do. Put some on. Bottom line, nobody wan’ts to look at your junk and ta-ta’s all night while they’re trying to have a normal conversation with you. However, Adam and Steve is an exception. C’mon that’s always funny.
7. Tall things. We get it, you can walk on stilts. However, did you ever stop to think that interaction with other human beings is going to be near impossible with you towering over them like giant oaks? All I’m saying is that no one wants to have to tippy toe around you guys all night in fear of knocking you over. One bad fall and it’s bye bye vertebrae. Too risky.
6. Scary Clowns. Personally, clowns don’t scare me. What does scare me, though, is a couple dressed like the Insane Clown Posse with blood dripping from their dagger fangs and ghostly white painted faces.
5. These People. Unless you of course have the bodies of these people (which .2 percent of the population do). Once again, all your parts will be hanging about. Not to mention I’m not really sure who they’re supposed to be? If you do, please let me know.
4. Ketchup and Mustard: Little kids wearing the costume, adorable. Grown ups, not so much. You think it says, “Look we got a cute couples costume!” We think, “Aw bless their hearts, at least they tried.” Leave ketchup and mustard where it belongsâ€¦in the fridge.
3. Two Man Blue Man Group. Just because you and your bestie love The Blue Man Group doesn’t give you the right to go only as the two of you. If you can’t find a third to participate, it’s simple: Go as something else. The only thing people will ask all night is “Where’s the third?” And you can only bang on things with sticks and not talk so long before you eventually have to confess you’re just a Blue Man Deuce.
2. Random Face Designs. There’s nothing I love more than a good face paint at the state fair or high school football game, but don’t show up to Halloween parties just wearing some random (or specific for that matter) face paint. I don’t care if Picasso rose from the dead and painted you and your partners’ face himself. It is NOT a costume. A craft at a state fair? Yes. Costume? No. You’re not fooling anyone. We all know that you forgot to get a costume. It’s ok, just tell us! If you forget, just show up in two trash bags and say, “Look, we’re trash monsters!”
1. Mccain and Palin: I know, it’s topical, it’s easy, but all I can say is DO NOT DO IT! Unless of course you are Tina Fey, in which case it is yours to lose. But even Tina knows the Palins and McCains will be out in full force on Hallow’s Eve. When I tell you it is going to be like last years Amy Winehouse costume I’m not lying. (You saw em’, they were everywhere) FACT: You will be at a party, and there will be at least a baker’s dozen of people dressed exactly as you.
If I left any costumes out please let me know, or if your costume is on this list, plead your case why it should be excluded. Otherwise stay ghoul. (hilarious.)