While You Were On The Edge Of Your Seat About Those Missouri Results

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Mary

  • Britney Spears has turned down the chance to play the Virgin Mary. Not in a movie, actually, but in real life — God actually asked Britney if she wanted to birth the second coming.
  • HBO closed a seven-figure deal for the rights to make an Obama documentary. Tom Wilkinson will play Obama (perfectly), with Bryan Cox co-starring as Michelle Obama and James Cromwell as Biden. It will somehow still be a documentary, too, and they’ll all win Emmys.
  • Disney reported record revenues of $37.8 billion for 2008, proving that even people with no money can’t resist the urge to buy $85 tickets to sweat their asses off in line so they can be disappointed that Space Mountain isn’t as much fun it was when they were 4.
  • The man whose shoulder Oprah cried upon during the Obama speech on Tuesday has been identified as an Obama campaign volunteer named Sam Perry. He’s currently in the process of deciding whose multi-million dollar book deal to accept to write about that monumental incident.
  • Cesar Milan gave some handy advice to Obama for his White House puppy search, saying “The dog won’t know he’s Barack Obama and won the presidency.” I don’t know, Cesar… that sh*t got a LOT of coverage…