This Twilight Stuff Is Getting Out Of Control

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twilightriot2.JPGThere’s a war brewing in America. And no, I’m talking about a race, class, ethnic, religious or drug war. I’m talking about Twilight. Robert Pattinson. Hot Topic. Autograph signing. Mall. Thousands of teenage girls. The result? A violent stampede that resulted in young girls being injured and the cancellation of the event. Confirming once again that teenage girls are the most powerful force on earth to be reckoned with. What’s that old saying? “If you grab them by their teenage girls, their hearts and minds will follow”? Now, let’s be honest, if Robert Pattinson were 10 feet away from me, and there were, say, three, four, or even twenty teenage girls between him and me, I cannot guarantee that I would not resort to violence in order to close the gap. He’s the pied piper, playing his vampirey tune, luring all our girls and women to his lair in a Hot Topic – so that we might touch his flesh and smell his lingering DNA on the Hello Kitty diary he signed. Ladies: let’s not forget that he is not a real vampire – and will one day grow old, and very possibly crazy – and though we may dream of him spilling blood from our necks, it is NOT worth spilling the blood of one of our sisters. In other words: calm the f*ck down. Just remember ONE thing…

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(via Mollygood)