First things first: congratulations Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz! The emo rockers are now proud parents to a baby boy, who was born late Thursday night. Their new bundle of joy weighed in at 7 pounds, 11 ounces and is 20.5 inches long. Adorable! Now that that’s over, let’s get to the real news: They named their child Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Seriously. Time to get that newborn into therapy! Let’s break down their horrific name choice, shall we?
- Bronx: Last time we checked Ashlee was from Dallas and Pete Chicago, so neither singer has any real connection to NYC other than that they probably wished they lived here. But hey, if you want to name your kid after their birthplace of rap, then fine. Maybe they should have added Boogie Down to it?
- Mowgli: Holy sh*t. This is some character in The Jungle Book. If I were their baby I’d be learning to walk so I could run the eff out of there.
Even if poor Bronx tried to go by his initials – BMW – he’d still look like a total douchebag. We’d suggest BM, but that’s what our grandmother called a bowel movement back in the day. With a name like that, and a family that includes crazy aunt Jessica, we’d say poor little Bronxie is already f*cked. [Photo: WireImage]